A life wasted and ruined

I feel stupid even writing this out, I hate making myself visible and at the same time, I have nothing better to do than complain.

I have no life, I have no social life, I have no friends, I feel no interest in really anything anymore and I don't see a point in trying. I turned 36 this year, my life consists of going from home to work and back home again.

I live with my mother, not out of convenience, but to help financially. Over a decade ago my sister, whom we don't ever see or hear from, abandoned her children with my mother and i chose to help her. I didn't feel right about her fully supporting three humans on her own and spending her entire life's savings and retirement just to stay afloat.

I carry a lot of anger inside over it. I feel like my sister decided my life for me, that I had to make a choice to give up on my own life. I can't both live in mothers basement and have a social life in a small town, and I can't air out my families dirty laundry for the local rumor mill. I'd prefer it that people around town just look at me as a failed to launch adult.

Dating or meeting people isn't really an option when this is what my life is. Nobody wants to go visit their adult friend at his mother's house. I really don't even feel human anymore, I've been alone and isolated for so long. I'm genetically human, but the similarities end there. I've missed out on the most important formative years of my adult life and it pretty much guarantees I'll be alone until the end.

My mother is retiring soon, and I'll be the only person pulling income into the house, supporting a 21 year old and a 15 year old and keeping the bills paid for everybody. There's no telling how long they'll need to be supported for, but I cant just walk away and abandon them like both their parents did. And the fact they need to be supported is the only thing that's kept me from sliding into oblivion.

At least on a utilitarian level I'm still needed. If im ever not needed, I have no life to pick back up or continue. The damage has been done, my life has been ruined for me, and I dont think any amount of talking can do anything about it. But all I can do is complain.