Am I Broken? Or Just Pragmatic?

I need help but the resources available to me are only increasing my stress and anxiety, exacerbating my "depression"... If that's what it really is...

Every word of encouragement seems prescribed and insincere.

Every reason to keep going seems contrived.

People like to say "you deserve to be happy" or "I care about you"... Well, you don't ******* know me. I'm an ******* and, for all you know, I might be a child molester, ***, thief, and the next mass-shooter.

Mindfulness is like juggling razor blades... Think carefully and deliberately about the things I do... Every action and thought is a thing to debate internally and wonder if I'm doing it wrong, doing too much, or doing too little... That's agony.

If we must keep the messages and communication positive, how can we possibly be honest when our world is such a negative place?

I'm fully aware that other people have it worse than me; that there have been times when I've been doing comparatively well and still felt like crap. Well, if my emotions and reactions were always appropriate to the situation there wouldn't be a problem. And the stay positive mantra that is prevalent in a lot of communities seems to me to be the epitome of an inappropriate emotional response when people are, for whatever reason, in a bad situation.