Confused about feelings for a close friend

I've been dealing with some emotional confusion lately and honestly just need someone to talk to.

I'm 20 years old and developed strong feelings for one of my closest friends, who is also 20. The problem is that I never told her how I felt. By the time I finally opened up, she was already in a relationship with someone older — he's around 30.

What made things even more confusing is that she told me if I had confessed earlier, she probably would have chosen me.

She also says her current relationship isn't going very well. According to her, her boyfriend can be emotionally distant, sometimes disrespectful, and she feels the relationship may be toxic. She admitted she still has some positive feelings for me too, which made everything harder emotionally.

We talk a lot — honestly, probably more than she talks with her current boyfriend — and because of that I've become deeply attached emotionally. Now I feel stuck between hope, guilt, confusion, jealousy, and fear of losing both her and the friendship.

Part of me wants to wait and see what happens, while another part thinks I should move on and protect my mental peace. I genuinely don't want to manipulate her or pressure her into choosing me. I just want clarity and a healthy way to deal with all these emotions.

The age gap also confuses me sometimes. She's 20, he's around 30, and despite that level of maturity difference, she still doesn't feel emotionally cared for in the relationship.

I don't really know what the right thing to do is anymore. I just need honest guidance from someone emotionally mature or experienced.