Dealing with marriage break up
Hi all, I hope that every one of you is having a good day.
Just as the title says, my wife recently decided to divorce. I’m having a difficult time to process this whole situation, and recently we had a video call, on which we discussed a couple of things. To be honest, I wanted to let her know that even though this would not change anything, I still had deep feelings for her and I respected the decision she took. I went to that video call trying to seek some sort of connection, but boy I was wrong…
I got to know that she wasn’t as deeply involved in the relationship as I was, and not only that… but she was way ahead of the grieving process and I felt that she has moved on from quite some time.
I really feel completely devastated, stranded and stuck in a dead end. And all that I can possibly think at this time is… How can I continue with my life, despite all of this?
@felWitcher
I am sorry you have had to go through this... work on yourself and do not play what if only prolongs the hurt.
I look around and see many of us in similar situations ...communication can not be fixed and once a certain point has past for one or both partners ... feelings past or present ........are not enough to fix....
Something happened for her to move on and while you may not have seen it but the death of marriage is often like cancer no one seems to notice until it reaches stage 4.
Thanks a lot for your words. Luckily… I can say with confidence that I’m not in the “what if” position. I’m wondering on how can I move on. Also, I cannot deny the fact that I feel really sad and angry at the same time.
@felWitcher
Take your time no rush in finding your next move .... you can move on and be happy again...
i think some are sad and angry not about the relationship but the ending of what we picture in our heads...and the story we had in our head.
@felWitcher It sounds like you were hoping that you would both at least share the grieving process for your relationship’s ending. It may be that she could not allow herself to share that sort of connection at this time. That is, she has some emotional momentum taking her away from the relationship’s center of gravity. If she allows herself to look back she may fear she can’t maintain escape velocity and will be pulled back into the relationship. So she has put on a cold façade.
Frankly, it was my mistake to search for something where there is nothing left to be found. That’s one of the reasons that I feel anger. I think that I was a complete idiot for thinking that I could find something. I’m not angry at her, I have to take care of myself and I have to be responsible of my own emotions.
Also, I cannot deny that this cold facade is completely hurtful, and I can comprehend where this comes from, but it’s sad, and not what I would imagine she would do.
Honestly, I thought that this would be completely different besides the circumstances. And, as I said… I hoped that we could have minimal contact, she really meant a lot in my life.
I know it feels like a giant shock right now. That hurt feels like it is overwhelming and won't let go. But it is just lots of little steps forward. What kinds of things are you doing to care for yourself right now? @felWitcher
Im trying to keep on hitting the gym, I feel better with myself every time I finish training, also I’m trying to stay focused on my college since I’m on my last year. Apart from that, I try to get out as much as possible, watch movies and series that I had on my backlog and hang out with my friends.
Those are exactly the things that you should be doing. That is great. Be sure that you get outside when you can because even minimal amounts of nature can help. Then be sure that you are eating enough and drinking water. @felWitcher
You both people need couple therapy, it is very necessary for both of you.