Depression? Idk and idc

I got this big void in my heart, from all the mommy and daddy issues and from all the loneliness and deprivation. Some days I just don't feel well at all and every moment feels like a struggle and some days I manage and pull through just fine. I wish I never had to feel these feelings again but they always stayed for some reason. When I do get days where I feel bad, I try to fill that void with whatever connection, interaction and attention I can get, and this method do help a lot to get rid of this feeling for a while.

I can be such a *** mess sometimes, I need to pull myself together and manage these feelings at least.. they'll only go away with long-term exposure to supportive and loving environment (in my dreams haha, not happening), until then I gotta fight it and try to win and distract and busy myself with more important things. Maybe I'll just end up getting used to it as well and adapt to feel better at least.

the meds I'm taking currently makes me feel drowsier and loose, and it feels worse during those periods..