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Axzear
1 2,637 M Hopeful Heart 5
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts148 Forum posts32 Forum upvotes41 Current upvotes41 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2025 Member sinceMay 28, 2025
Bio

Nothing for you to read here, so piss off. I hate everything and would destroy everything if I could.

Went through childhood traumas, grew up in abusive and neglectful household in which I am still living, recovered from most traumas and mental health issues.

Diagnosed with anxiety disorder and sometimes get panic attacks too.

There, found out what you wanted? Now go fuck yourself with those information.

Recent forum posts
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Fml
Anxiety Support / by Axzear
Last post
 August 4th, 2025
...See more I don't know why God is torturing me, don't know whether it's a test or a punishment.. but whichever it is, he's doing it a bit too well. He needs to have some mercy on my case and go a little easy on me. People out there worse than me (in terms of character) has mental health of a happy kid or something and I'm here suffering from anxiety disorder along with God knows what.. it's been years now.
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Hell man
Anxiety Support / by Axzear
Last post
 July 31st, 2025
...See more Y'all ever get anxiety so hard that you feel like you're losing your mind and you feel slightly lost and disoriented?
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Depression? Idk and idc
Depression Support / by Axzear
Last post
 July 12th, 2025
...See more I got this big void in my heart, from all the mommy and daddy issues and from all the loneliness and deprivation. Some days I just don't feel well at all and every moment feels like a struggle and some days I manage and pull through just fine. I wish I never had to feel these feelings again but they always stayed for some reason. When I do get days where I feel bad, I try to fill that void with whatever connection, interaction and attention I can get, and this method do help a lot to get rid of this feeling for a while. I can be such a *** mess sometimes, I need to pull myself together and manage these feelings at least.. they'll only go away with long-term exposure to supportive and loving environment (in my dreams haha, not happening), until then I gotta fight it and try to win and distract and busy myself with more important things. Maybe I'll just end up getting used to it as well and adapt to feel better at least. the meds I'm taking currently makes me feel drowsier and loose, and it feels worse during those periods..
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Eff Anxiety
Anxiety Support / by Axzear
Last post
 July 6th, 2025
...See more It's worse than I anticipated, episodes go on for more than an hour and after episode is over you feel the aftereffects and it leaves you drained. God have mercy on me and anyone having it without any justified reason. I'd rather feel physical pain of broken bone or strained muscle than to feel the psychological pain from my anxiety disorder. It's mental torture. I'll talk to doctor to up my dosage or something.
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Like always
Friendship Support / by Axzear
Last post
 July 1st, 2025
...See more I did my best, was the perfect friend and tried to be the kindest, most reliable and most entertaining friend possible.. who knew all that effort will make them confuse me with a jester at the circus instead of an actual person with feelings? I trusted them, more than anybody. I thought.. maybe I can rely on them too and maybe I can trust them and they'd actually handle it well, guess what? They seen me as a side character, somebody who they approach only when they need something and someone who they say 'no' to without any hesitation or remorse. I'm the only one who always puts the effort and ends up getting either bare minimum or nothing in return. I don't expect you to be perfect, okay? It's alright.. all I want is some decency and equality when you treat me and I can't even seem to get those. What's the point if I act like the best person ever so that they can feel better and safe around me and be open around me and in return I get treated like a dumpster or a bank account? I never wanted anything bad for them, I always had good intention for them.. what went wrong? They might not mean it or might have 'accidentally' made me feel that way.. but still, I gave so much and was so much considerate, couldn't they at least do the same at a smaller scale? Couldn't they be considerate about how I feel? For the sake of friendship? I thought I was being sensitive, but then I looked at the situation carefully and assessed it and.. turns out they really didn't care. They really don't have an ounce of remorse and sees me as a bunker that's only meant to provide comfort during nuclear war while it gets eroded from the radiation and heat of the blast. It's been one-sided friendship for so long. Oh, and yeah.. when they realized that I finally found out about the whole thing, they started the pity routine and was like, "Oh, don't worry. I'll give this to you.", no. Just no. I don't need it from you. If me being disheartened like that is what took you to realize you messed up and need to do something then I don't need it. Keep the pity to yourself, do better than that. Like always, it's me who does the best for the people I feel like I can trust and count on.. and in return I get this. I turn into the invisible man who becomes visible ONLY when something is needed. I'm done, just so done. What's the point of friends like these? I'm done relying on them and I'm done expecting something that everybody should get:- consideration. I'm on my med rn and it's night, not sure if I have enough mental clarity as I'm typing these paragraphs but anyways. I just.. still hope they do well, whatever they do, and they have fun without me.. and get to hangout with their 'better' friends. I just wish to stay out of it from now on, for the sake of my own wellbeing. They can be happy on their own. I'll go find something else.
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Ffs
Anxiety Support / by Axzear
Last post
 July 7th, 2025
...See more Yeah, GG guys.. got diagnosed with anxiety disorder, taking two meds for it too. It sucks, you own mind trying to bring you down. Anyways, I'm not gonna tell the boys and my friends about it- they'll start thinking I'm a *** and a mess who can't stand on his two on feet (literally, not exaggerating).
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Rough night
Depression Support / by Axzear
Last post
 June 26th, 2025
...See more Had two panic attacks, it felt so bad.. I had cold sweat and I was shivering. Then had to suffer from digestive issues, felt nauseated, restless and sick. Felt so bad that I ended up falling on my knees at washroom, never happened before. I was begging to God to give me some relief. It's almost six in the morning rn and finally I'm feeling better.. gonna visit a doctor tomorrow to get checked up.
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GGs
Depression Support / by Axzear
Last post
 June 23rd, 2025
...See more Almost reached my breaking point from the agonizing loneliness, boredom and withdrawal effect, felt like I was in a solitary confinement for one day.. not sure if I am being extra moody today but it sure was overwhelming. Feeling better now, thanks to prayer and my hobby.
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