Does it ever get better?

All my life I’ve gon through things so bad I forced myself to forget, things that I look back on and tell myself that it wasn’t so bad knowing it was. Parents can really mess up your life than act like nothings wrong, I remember having my first suicidal thought at seven years old. If you were to look at us we seem like a pretty normal family, but we’re all messed up in some way. My mom’s a control freak, my dads indifferent, and my sister is just plain crazy.

I realized I have lived with all this for years and I really can’t do anything about it, I’m a teenage girl with no job and one friend where am I supposed to go? Even worse is my family doesn’t believe in therapy and the one time we went I was gaslit that everything is fine and this is normal. I feel like I’ve lost the light in my life, I’m helpless and constantly exhausted and somedays I just lay in bed and cry for hours wondering why my life is like this. I feel like I have no control over it and I feel the suffocation of the leash in my bones. It’s agonizing and it makes me sick.