Don't Feel Enough
My man to be expects more from me. He says I need to contribute more. I clean the house and do his laundry and give him what ever he needs. I help with bills and rent. Not a big portion but I still pitch in what ever I can. Hes the bread winner in all this and apparently my contribute is "bare minimum." I dont feel like I'm enough anymore. Its always a fight. He told me he can pay for everything on his own if there isn't two people. Because I'm not working he is complaining about the bills being too high cuz of laundry. I don't know what to do. I have tried to talk to him. He then ends the conversation by saying its not hard to understand. I feel absolutely horrible. My soul wont stop hurting. My mother is leaving the country I have no one. He doesn't own me. I don't feel like we are a team. I feel like his roommate. All I do now is cry. I hate myself. It is so hard for me to love myself. He says he loves me but I don't feel like he does anymore. 💔
That sounds really hurtful… especially when you’re already putting in effort and still feeling like it’s not enough.
It makes sense that you’d start feeling more like a roommate than a partner if the emotional connection or appreciation isn’t coming through.
Sometimes it’s not just about what we do, but how valued and seen we feel while doing it.
Have you been able to share with him how this has been making you feel?
That sounds really hurtful… especially when you’re already putting in effort and still feeling like it’s not enough.
It makes sense that you’d start feeling more like a roommate than a partner if the emotional connection or appreciation isn’t coming through.
Sometimes it’s not just about what we do, but how valued and seen we feel while doing it.
Have you been able to share with him how this has been making you feel?
Here is a corrected and clearer version:
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Thanks for sharing.
pinkCherry1616 gave really good advice—I just want to add a little to it.
Sometimes it’s useful to ask yourself why you choose a partner like this. For example, it can be related to your childhood—if your father had similar behavior, you might unconsciously look for relationships that feel familiar, where your reward system already knows how to respond and the environment feels predictable.
This pattern can repeat from one relationship to another. If you understand yourself better, it can change your life.
I think all men start with money in the relationship especially if they are the bread winner. Doesn't matter if I have past trauma. Pls re read my post.
@OnceHumanb42019
Sometimes words don’t mean anything and are only meant to confuse you. What if you forget the words and read the behavior, the energy, the attitude?
I can imagine the conflict in you. I think of moments when my heart wanted to trust the few remaining nice words and every inch of me was already knowing they are not true. It sounds that it might be the problem that pulls most of your attention and energy. It’s not the only problem you have though.
What if you start to reorient your life away from him now? No big declarations or final relationship decisions? Just determination to build your life? What could you do to fill it with more support for yourself? Could you make friends? Get a job? Volunteer somewhere? Attend some free classes or events at a library or church (if you’re religious)?
Regardless of what you will choose to do about the relationship, you need your world to be bigger than just him. It might give you strength to find the right way. It might be necessary to even have a reasonable choice.
Could the “what do I do to build my own life now?” question be the one to prioritize?
If he was without you he would have to cook. Beans lentils or peas are cheap with a little cabbage and grains and fish. He would probably eat things that harm him. Give him healthy cheap things he likes.
You would give him love caring for his health. When we love we want best for others. Stressful situations like poverty can bring out worst in people, but perspective helps neither of you likely know poverty of people in poor countries.
If it is safe to talk to him talk to him. It will serve you well with or without him. In the song in the air tonight Phil Colin's expects his girlfriend friend to cheat so likely never opened up provably contributing to her cheating, being able to talk when things are difficult is excellent.
If between the two of you can’t afford food he has a point food is more important than washing. Men benefit from women more than women do from men. If you’re young you have more options than him. But treating people the right way is import.
I suspect you get spirit hugs from women here.
It’s not about men and women—it’s about people. Thinking in terms of benefits can lead to problems, and relationships can turn into transactional ones.
When there is trust, a relationship becomes a safe space, and your partner feels like part of you—you naturally want to support them. But when trust is missing, for whatever reason, the relationship becomes painful.
But this is just my opinion we are all different.
Spirit hugs from women?? Huh??
