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OnceHumanb42019
1 1,984 M Hopeful Heart 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts177 Forum posts16 Forum upvotes21 Current upvotes21 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2026 Member sinceSeptember 5, 2025
Bio

Dealing with more than one demon. They are hard to reason. Sometimes they are hard to tame. Dont know if there is an end to this game. Although, with a little love can go a long way. So pls stay.

Recent forum posts
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Traumatized for Life
Depression Support / by OnceHumanb42019
Last post
 July 22nd
...See more Started when I lost my Aunt. So I got inheritance. I ended up with a puppy. Beautiful siberian husky. Her name is Yuki. Which means snow and happyness. She is all white with blue eyes. One party eye so she looks kinda goofy at times. She is my everything. When ever I look at her I think of my aunt. Recently well today, I took her to her fave park. This other dog was playing with her no problem. I had left her collar on and took off her harness. Well thats where darkness took over. The other dog got caught. Stuck on her collar and Yuki was choking. I could see her eyes go...I did freak out. I ran to her and tried to save her but the man came running in also and tried to help. The dogs were freaking out as we were and Yuki was getting worse. Then blood. I was finally able to get her out of there. She was covered in blood. The man said, "It's my blood is she okay?" I checked wasnt sure. Too much blood. His dog was fine. What happened was his dog bit him and my girl trying to get out. No one was at fault. But all I can hear now is Yuki's screams and all the blood all over my hands and legs. Human blood all over me. Will have to live with this sound for the rest of my life. I am a vocalist after all. Music is my thing. So sound is crucial for me. This sound will never leave. And the smell of blood will never leave. All I can think about is how close I almost lost her and then I start to think about my aunt. I crumble...I am a little shook..
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Don't Feel Enough
Depression Support / by OnceHumanb42019
Last post
 April 22nd
...See more My man to be expects more from me. He says I need to contribute more. I clean the house and do his laundry and give him what ever he needs. I help with bills and rent. Not a big portion but I still pitch in what ever I can. Hes the bread winner in all this and apparently my contribute is "bare minimum." I dont feel like I'm enough anymore. Its always a fight. He told me he can pay for everything on his own if there isn't two people. Because I'm not working he is complaining about the bills being too high cuz of laundry. I don't know what to do. I have tried to talk to him. He then ends the conversation by saying its not hard to understand. I feel absolutely horrible. My soul wont stop hurting. My mother is leaving the country I have no one. He doesn't own me. I don't feel like we are a team. I feel like his roommate. All I do now is cry. I hate myself. It is so hard for me to love myself. He says he loves me but I don't feel like he does anymore. 💔
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Lost with no words.
Depression Support / by OnceHumanb42019
Last post
 December 19th, 2025
...See more My man like to drink himself to sleep. Last night he wouldn't stop when I asked him to. He wanted to drink and get black out drunk instead of listening to his future wife. We went for dinner and he kept ordering drinks. It got to a point where he was embarrassing himself which is also embarrassing me. I am so depressed right now because I love him but he never listens to me. Now I don't know what to do. I tried to tell him I need space cuz of last night. I dont want to talk to him until after work so he can reflect on it. You know what he responded back? "I want a stress free life." His words while I'm struggling with a migraine in the shower. I get really bad migraines when Im stressed. It has become chronic and I have to be careful. I'm lost and with no words. If he chooses alcohol over me. I'm done... my heart will be broken. I will never going out with men ever again. I had enough. For now we shall see what he says afterwork. Maybe things will change.. or not... I need prayers. I need to heal. I need to calm my demons. Send me good vibes. Wish me luck! OnceHuman.
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Dinner time
Depression Support / by OnceHumanb42019
Last post
 September 24th, 2025
...See more I feel like *** because when ever its dinner time my man gets moody and then tells me he isnt hungry after a silly argument. I cant help myself but to feel this way. Like ***. Now Im eating on my own. On the couch where I'll be sleeping tonight. Fkn hate myself.
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Not good enough.
Relationship Stress / by OnceHumanb42019
Last post
 September 7th, 2025
...See more Dont feel good enough. Always fighting. Get really depressed and can't shut it off. 🙃
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Not Enough
Depression Support / by OnceHumanb42019
Last post
 September 7th, 2025
...See more No matter what I can't seem to shake this feeling off. Im not good enough. Does he still love me? Why do they treat me this way? What did I do? I don't know. I have been fighting with my man alot lately and Im worried its all going to fall apart. . I can't shut it off. I can't shut down my brain unless I'msleeping. Its just when it starts it doesnt stop. My soul hurts my chest hurts. It's hard for me to swallow. All I can do is keep going forward and drag it with me... have been since I was little. Wish I could shut it off. 😒
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