Falls Apart might as well

You don’t have anyone to hold you and tell you it will be okay. If you do they want more out of you. Everything is to make feel good emotionally but you feel so alone. You feel alone around them and away from them. The grief away hurts probably the most. You feel controlled to only feel happy because that’s acceptable. You have to accept bad behavior. You have to hold out hope like a dreamer. You get told a bunch of silly things that could or not be true. You aren’t even sure what you are seeing anymore. Why can’t this just end? I’ve asked over and over. I’ve disassociated the best that I could do. I’ve been complacent and hurt for a long time now. So what’s the next step? I’ve grown so alone in the dark of my thoughts. If anything positive turns out of this I will be surprised.