Feeling Heavy
This year has been an absolute mess for me. I’ve had depression before and it’s been a constant issue throughout my life. But I think this might be the first time depression has hit me in adulthood in this way.
This year my friend group had a falling out with one friend possibly breaking ties, issues in my family continue to grow, I’ve come to realizations in my personal life that feel like I’ve failed, and my dog nearly died this year due to health issues and it was a heavy emotional/financial burden on me.
I’m constantly feeling more like a burden rather than a helper to my friends. I self insert myself when not needed and I’m more of an annoyance than a helper. My relationship with my brother and parents is strained but I do nothing to improve it because I self isolate so much that I can’t even fathom being social in any sort of way. I feel like I’m dealing with emotional burnout that was self imposed. I didn’t need to be put in this position and yet here I am.
I feel like I’m on a raft in the ocean. The waves keep hitting me. Some of them are small but a lot of them are strong. And I’m just floating. Doing nothing to stop the waves from hitting me. Not calling for help or trying to save myself. One of these days I’m not gonna be able to handle a wave and I’m going to flip.
I feel like a terrible friend. A terrible brother. A terrible person to myself. I can’t do anything by right.
@determinedWater5341
🥺
You are not a terrible person!
Or brother.
Or son.
Or friend .
You are struggling and you cannot be there for anyone else, until you work through your own emotions and burnout first.
If nothing is changed then ultimately nothing changes!
You sunk deeper.
It's not easy but you can feel better again!
One small step at a time.
By not isolating.
Being around your family!
All you need to do to be a good friend is listen, turn up, reach out!
Small, manageable tasks everyday that allow you to return to being you!
💕💜
Thank you. I appreciate your kind words. It’s just really hard sometimes. I feel like things feel so heavy sometimes that I don’t really know what to do. Every thing I do feels ginormous in scale and simple things are feeling difficult. I feel like there’s a weight on my shoulders everyday and every choice I make is just the wrong choice.
It’s hard but I’ll keep your words in mind. Especially in this moment.
@determinedWater5341
You are welcome!
Let others shoulder this weight with you!
Here you are not alone!
I understand that feeling. This has been a very difficult year for me as well. Feel your feelings. Talk to someone. People who truly care about you will not think you are a burden. I self isolate myself but I found the awareness to realize when I want to shut down. Today was a very hard day but I reached out to a friend. It didn’t make my day any less difficult but I still felt a small weight lifted off my shoulders. Talking about how you feel is a small step forward.
@blueShip277
🥺
I'm sorry you feel this way too but glad you reached out to a friend!
It takes courage to keep going, keep reaching out and not giving up!
💕💜
Thank you so much for replying. I’ll try reaching out to a friend soon. It can be so difficult to find the motivation. My thoughts are so jumbled and I don’t want to word vomit on them or offload negative thoughts on them.
I appreciate you messaging here. I’m glad I’m not the only one feeling this way.
Message me. We have a very similar situation. Let's help each other
@determinedWater5341