Feeling suffocated and self harm thoughts
So I’m currently in abroad and I live alone. I had past experience of having anxiety attacks and depression and insomnia. I took medication according to therapist in my country that time and was able to be recovered for a few years. But due to some circumstances in my life, my depression recurred since last year and I’m struggling again. It’s not easy to talk to psychiatrist here as I have language barrier and financial problems. Lately, I have been feeling suffocated, I don’t have suicidal thoughts (maybe a little) but I want to harm myself to stay sane because it’s too much for me to bear this feeling. I lost confidence in my life, my studies and I want to give up everything. I feel too overwhelmed to do anything. It’s not visible to people as I look energetic and hard working but deep inside, I’m dying. My boyfriend also can’t understand me. He thinks he can handle me and also tried to cheer me up but I know myself this is a serious depression so I feel I need to talk to a therapist and get medication in order to live my life happily again.
@LinYukari97
Hina, I hear you. I really do. You’re carrying so much, and it’s completely understandable that you feel exhausted and overwhelmed. Depression is heavy it wears you down, makes even the smallest things feel impossible, and convinces you that you’re alone in this. But please, hear me when I say you are not alone.
The fact that you’re able to put all of this into words, even when you feel like you’re drowning, shows how strong you truly are. And I know you might not feel strong right now, but strength isn’t just about pushing through it’s also about knowing when you need help. You deserve help, and you deserve to feel okay again.
I know the language barrier and financial struggles make it so much harder, but there are options. Maybe there’s an online therapist who speaks your language, or even support groups where you can talk without feeling judged. Sometimes, just having a safe space to let it out can make a difference.
As for the self-harm thoughts, I know it might feel like a way to cope, a way to make the pain tangible. But you don’t deserve pain you deserve kindness, from others and from yourself. Please, if you can, reach out to someone you trust, even if it’s just to say, “I’m not okay, and I need support.”
You don’t have to carry this alone. I see you, and I believe in you. Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, there is a way forward. You’ve come through this before, and I truly believe you will again. One step at a time, okay? I’m here.
Thank you for the encouragement and advice. I will overcome depression this time too.. I believe. I will stay strong and reach out to online therapist who I can talk to and people who care about me. And thank you for pointing out that I am not fighting this battle alone. That makes me feel so much better.