Feeling worthless

I can't stop feeling worthless. Growing up my parents never praised me or encouraged me and i was only hearing from them that i am not good enough, my ideas are dumb and that kids should only listen and do as they parents say. This messed me up so badly. I always in a way idealized my parents and i am only now understating that it was so wrong for them to say that. The thing is it still hurts. I even have nightmares almost every night of them screaming and yelling at me. I feel so weak because of this. Everyone around me is striving for success and here i am sitting and crying my eyes out because i wish i had a better childhood. But it seriously hurt me so bad. Whenever i think about my childhood i jut wanna cry and give up. I have no one to talk to except for people online because  i didn't even develop the skills necessary to talk to people. I'm just done. I   wanna prove to my parents that i am worthy i want someone to finally recognize the potential i have!! It hurts so much to be in this environment and as the day passes i just want to give up. I wanna give up on my life because nothing is working out anyways and i am basically going against all odds. I'm so done of fighting my way through life. I might lose this battle soon. I technically almost did so many times.... I wish i seriously never existed if it it to fight everyday to just be seen and heard. I'm just done. Life is not fun it's just painful af. I really feel like my life is worthless and meaningless right now. My pain is killing me. I'm so tired of hurting .