For no reason…
There’s something wrong with me. I’m feeling sad and hurt about my 21st which happened in July. Why though? Because of some sentimental things I didn’t get, but my brother got at his. However I got other things. I didn’t get the iconic special cake with the 21st sign on it, and made by a cake maker. I know that sounds so *** pathetic but I’ve never had a cake made by a cake maker for my birthday, which makes me feel less special. I also didn’t get the sparkly decorated memory board.
There is something wrong with me, completely!
I got an amazing birthday, with speeches and a PowerPoint slideshow of photos of me, desserts and a homemade cake (not with any 21st candles or anything), but it was special, it was.
Plus I went to Sydney! So I did have a good birthday. But I just didn’t actually enjoy it this year, it wasn’t much of an anything, mainly because of the fact that I felt more depressed than anything and I just didn’t feel happy.
But really… am I a bad person for saying this?
@GracieMACK
Well, it does sound like people made an effort to make your birthday special, but you were measuring it against someone else (perhaps in your family) who got a cake made by a baker, and with the numbers on top, and some of the other things you are comparing with that birthday. No, you’re not silly. Your feelings are valid. However, maybe you can give to yourself some of the things you were missing on your birthday. I know for my 21st, my expectations were zero to none, so the fact that someone, anyone, even remembered, was huge for me. So, your experience was different. Your mates remembered and celebrated you, and you’re not sure if you come off as ungrateful for wanting the exact same as someone else. I guess you’ll have to sit with those feelings and decide what to do about it: say something about it, give yourself the particular elements you were missing, or just let it go and enjoy your beautiful life. I wonder what you will decide to do.
Or maybe it’s the depression lying down on top of everything and preventing you from enjoying the care that was given towards you on your birthday, and that’s really what you are asking for help with.
And, I read back and I notice it was your brother’s birthday you were comparing yours to.
I do hope that the underlying depression can fly away so you can enjoy your amazing life moving forward, if only it were that easy.
@GracieMACK You had a lot of love and effort put into your birthday, but feeling disappointed about the things you didn’t get is completely understandable. Comparing yourself to your brother or noticing what was missing doesn’t make you a bad person, it just shows that certain sentimental experiences matter to you. Feeling sad or a little let down doesn’t take away from the happy moments you did have, and your feelings are valid.
