GUILT, FAMILY ISSUES, DEPRESSION

About 2 years ago, my parents decided shift to a new city. The months that followed were a mess. I felt alone and there was always this void in my chest. My studies, my sleep routine and my diet were deeply affected. I was a mess. Physically and mentally. I started failing my tests and felt worthless. The teachers and the environment of my college was not exacyly helping either. I goind my escape in fiction books and ised that as a coping mechanism. I also started writing a month ago. Everything had started to get a bit better but my studies never improved. I knew why. I wasn't focusing on them anymore.

I have completed my college and now my father wants me to study medicine. I wanted to become a psychologist but he isn't letting me study that. It's been a month since i joined an academy to prepare for my entry test which is to be conducted on 5th october. Everyone around me seems to be studying hard for the test which is appearantly pretty hard. They're all genuinely trying. I,on the other hand, still don't feel motivated enough. I can't focus on my studies for more than 15 minutes and am getting increasingly worried because of that. The guilt has been drowning me and I feel stuck! I feel like there's no way out. It's back. The depression, the guilt, the void, the despair, it's all back.

As if that wasn't enough, my parents are also on a verge of divorce. My mother has been depresswd because of him for like 8 to 9 years and tried to attempt suicide twice. I witnessed her trying to take pills OD once. My father had to jump in and stop her. My mother's depression has affected my siblings and me greatly and now my mother said she wanted a divorce yesterday but now....... idk. It's all a mess!

I'm just so tired and guilty and depressed. Sometimes I feel like I'm feeling too much but most of the times it's just a big fat void in my chest. I'm so done!