Get busy living or get busy dying
I feel like this Shawshank Redemption quote fits me anymore. Except I’m at a place where I feel I’m getting ready to die. I see no hope on the horizon. I’ve lost 95% of my friends (they no longer want to deal with a depressed person). I’m disabled and at home all the time. I see no one. Things keep getting worse. I no longer trust people to help only to hurt me. My one last connection with society has been my cousin. We’ve been able to chat several times per week but it’s a toxic relationship. I need to put up with her extreme attitudes and beliefs and commiserate with her that she suffers more than anyone else on the planet. She and her family have hurt me enough. Her son even made a YouTube video about me and said “Despite the fact that he’s gay and a Buddhist he could be a good Christian.” And he thought I wouldn’t be insulted by that. I send my cousin funny video clips from *** to help her get her mind off her troubles. The last innocent one I sent generated a 200 word rant about how all groups of women are *** and how feminism is evil. I had no idea where this rant came from. Now im at a place where I have to break off this connection. I feel very alone. Im sorry this is so long. If anyone reads this entire thing I appreciate your time.
@modestLion3493 It’s hard to maintain hope these days with the world’s endless stockpile of nastiness and scarcity of decency. It feels so one sided to me. I could interact with family, but they literally live in an alternate universe, and I just don’t have the patience to pretend through that kind of socializing. Opportunities for connection are are not impossible but they seem like such a heavy lift. So yeah it’s hard not to feel like the librarian dude from Shawshank. If I only had money stashed away under an old brick wall and some tropical refuge as a destination, I could prefer Andy’s fate. So, I think I know how you feel. The technology we need the most is community - and no, there’s not an app for that. Community is not a DIY project but we live in a DIY centered world. The hope I’ve got at the moment is that I’ll find a reason to get busy living. But it’s a move quote after all. Anyway, you’re not alone in feeling the way you do.