Getting worse

I posted here about a month ago, how it feels like my depression is worsening and ruining my life more. I just keep arguing more with someone i love and i keep pushing him away saying we shouldnt be together at all. He’s starting to think the same but more like that we shouldn’t be together cause it seems like i don’t want him. I really do but i am struggling to change myself cause i have no support from anyone therapy has been useless i refuse anti depressants cause i would miss more school and fail cause of them, i feel sick if i use them. I genuinely have no idea what to do. I wanna assure him that i love him and want him but he is startong to act the same way i do towards him and its making me realise how genuinely terrible i am. I physically cant change myself cause of how bad its gotten, i am starting to struggle with brushing my teeth and doing proper skincare. Im just unable to do simple things that are important to me. Im losing myself and *** up friendships and a relationship. I dont know what to do anymore. Nor what can my partner do.