Guilt
I'm just going to get right into it. My dad was physically and emotionally abusive, manipulative, and a liar. There are a few memories I have where he was being physically abusive towards my sibling. I remember either trying to help or being paralyzed by not knowing what to do in the situation. I was pretty young. Between the ages of 6 to I think 8 or 9. They keep replaying over and over again. Constantly thinking about what I could've done. That if only I had snapped myself out of it, maybe I could've helped. I felt so useless then. I still do. I just can't seem to stop thinking about it. I would try going to therapy, but first of all I don't think I can afford it right now and secondly I feel uncomfortable with having to open up about stuff. I don't know what to do
@determinedNest6866
I think as a child you had limited ability to do anything other then aggravate your father further and towards you as well... nothing to feel guilty about IMO.
I think self reflection ( which is often what we do when we are struggling ) sometimes convinces ourselves we could have changed outcomes or what happened but looking back with 20/20 hindsight is NOT the same as being there....
It was not your fault your father had issues / NOT your fault your sibling was a target of your fathers abuse and guilt only eats at you.... i doubt your sibling remembers it the same or holds a grudge on you. Time to forgive a scared child for not being able to stop things.
@toughTiger6481 Yeah I have thought about the fact that if I did do something that I probably would've aggravated him more. I actually remember that being one of the things I thought of during one of the "events". I also remember there were a few times where I did try fighting him as a way to attempt to make up for things. My dad hated the fact that at times I was willing to fight him lol.
You're right. I try thinking about it from an outside perspective. Obviously I wouldn't expect some other kid to be able to fight a grown man, so I should probably stop driving myself insane with all the things I could've done diffently. It's just hard.
Thanks btw
@determinedNest6866
i am always greatly rewarded when even my perspective helps....... you have this ... you know guilt is not needed here.