Happening again

I feel myself slipping

Back to where I was

February-May

Its scary

I cant explain it

I feel lonely even when im around people

My boyfriend helps me

He helps me go from 50% to 100% 

But after we finish playing or messing around

(Not like that you dirty minded people)

I go right back down

Its so much energy

I have to use

I act okay

So I dont 

I act how I feel

But it worries people

I dont like to worry people

But I know that people like

My mom

My boyfriend 

They will worry about me

Bc they love me

And I love them

Im alive because they've been here for me

And helped me

And have stuck around 

Even when Im at and have been at

My lowest

Of this hole

Im apparently going back into

Its like a void

Compleatly black

Im just floating there

I feel weightless

Free

Lonely

Im scared

I want to be happy again like I was

I know

This is probably because

I need my meds upped

So I will schedule my appt 

I usually schedule during the previous visit

But I was sick at the last one

Anyways

I love you Charlie

I love you Mommy

I need you guys to just love on me

I dont know how to ask

I dont know how you do that

But remember this

I love hugs

I love being held

I love surprise hugs

I love hugs when I dont have to ask for them

I hate needing a hug and then having to ask

I just want yall to know that I need a hug

And then just give it to me

You'll know when I need one