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brenbird
39 7,828 M Moving Along 7
Love is healing me
PathStep 68 Compassion hearts831 Forum posts171 Forum upvotes326 Current upvotes326 Age GroupTeen Last activeAugust, 2026 Member sinceJuly 5, 2026
Bio

My name is Brenyn, pronounced like Brennan but spelled Brenyn

15, Nonbinary (they/them), Pansexual

Fav color: pastel pink and yellow, lilac, baby blue

Theatre kid- guilty

Swimmer- guilty

Singer-songwriter- guilty

























Recent forum posts
brenbird profile picture
I cant help but wonder...
Anxiety Support / by brenbird
Last post
 11 hours ago
...See more I  cant help but wonder about: If someone is going to abandon me If someone is going to hate me If someone is mad at me If someone is upset with me When im going to be free of these memories When im going to be free of these flashbacks How im going to last these next 3 years with only 2 people who understand me and whats going on at my fathers
brenbird profile picture
I cant help but wonder...
Trauma Support / by brenbird
Last post
 6 hours ago
...See more I cant help but wonder about: If someone is going to abandon me If someone is going to hate me If someone is mad at me If someone is upset with me When im going to be free of these memories When im going to be free of these flashbacks How im going to last these next 3 years with only 2 people who understand me and whats going on at my fathers 
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A lot has happened tbh
Anxiety Support / by brenbird
Last post
 Sunday
...See more Yesterday I whent to this convention with my boyfriend and it was really fun. I did end up having a panic attack in the bathroom. I wanted to tell my boyfriend that I was on the verge of one before I whent to tbe bathroom. I was scared though. Ive never had a panic attack out in public. Never before. So after I cleaned myself up I told him and he said he was hurt that I didnt tell him. I explained to him that I didnt know what to do and all of that and he said it was fine. I know it wasnt but I let it go. I didnt want to push him.  The rest of yesterday I felt like something was off with him but he wouldnt tell me. And this morning its the same too. He says hes fine, and that nothing is wrong so I belive him bc he hasnt given me any other reason to not believe him.  I have a friend coming over in a couple mins and my bf called me amd I told him that I could call for just a lil bit amd he got upset or sad or sum and said its fine and I told him that I could still call just not for hours and then he said its fine and hung up. I threw my phone and cried. I literally cried. I didn't do anything wrong. And then I texted him and he told me the same thing.  I just hate being so anxious all the fucjing dam time and overthinking every fucjing tiny thing. 
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TW:SA
Trauma Support / by brenbird
Last post
 August 5th
...See more Ever since it first happened Feb 2025, my levels of feeling safe have gone drastically down. I could be going out shopping or to a restaurant or any place in public and I am ao anxious im going to see That Thing(thats what I call my abuser). My boyfriend was originally my bsf and he still is, he got me this fidget and it helps me a lot.  Last night I whent out to dinner at this place in Brier Creek and I was scared sh*tless bc i had seen That Thing in Brier Creek ONE time and that was earlier this year.  I cant stand it when my parents drive past That Thing's first apartment home or the one That Thing is currently at. It happened at both and I fet anxious just driving by them. It doesnt help that they are both on roads that take me to places I usually go to a lot.  Last night when i got home I had such bad flashbacks and memories and I couldn't control them(like alwahs) but what was different this time was I coudknt control MYSELF and it led me to turning the sink water to almost all the way hot and washing my hands for 10 minutes minimum. I couldn't control myself.  Im so tired of all these flashbacks and memories and I wish my brain wouod just forget about them.  I start school again on the 24th and im telling yall now im going to see That Thing in the hallways and im going to have a full blown panic attack. My brain always makes up scenarios where That Thing finds me in public or anywhere and beats me up bc i told the police and school about the Sexual Abuse That Thing did to me.  Im scared guys. Why did it have to be me? Why did That Thing do it to me? It ruined my life. 
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Hey
Around the World / by brenbird
Last post
 August 4th
...See more Hey, im Brenyn. Im from the US born and raised and I have German great grandparents. I js started learning German on duolingo today
brenbird profile picture
...
Depression Support / by brenbird
Last post
 August 1st
...See more I cant stand my father anymore. Sure, I havent been able to for the past 5 years. Thats when it started. Hes been emotionally, verbally, mentally abusive towards me.  Tonight he made me cancel plans that I made with my boyfriend for his birthday and then he for some reason cant stand to be in the same room as me. I sat down on the other couch and he was all comfortable on the other and he stands up and rudely tells me that *** be upstairs. I didnt do anything towards him.  If i ever "yell" at him its bc im scared and trying to protect myself. Plus, hes the one abusing me and screaming at me.  Sometimes I wish he would physically abuse me just so the court thing ckukd move faster. Im getting a lawyer tk represent me in court soon.  A couple times he almost hit me. But he stopped himself.  Sometimes I think I deserve it. I mean i already have 53 scars from sh(yes I counted them bc i have ocd and want to know how many) so whats an injury from another person?  I just cant do this anymore. Im here at my dads this week for 11 fucjing days bc it was supposed to be vacation but now I have a severe injury from swim team(knee injury).  Hes the main reason I have: Depression GAD I got into a relationship that eventually ended up with me having PTSD bc of SA A SH history Attachment issues Separation anxiety *** life. I cant do this. But im going to keep going bc ive made promises to myself, my boyfriend and my mommy. My mom is my bsf. I cant imagine life without her.  
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What if...
Trauma Support / by brenbird
Last post
 July 24th
...See more What if... I cant do things to please my boyfriend when were older I cant ever control the flashbacks I can't stop thinking of the things I could've done sooner I cant have sex I cant stop blaming myself I cant stop having nightmares I cant stop being scared of going to places ik he goes to but I have to go to bc of parents I can't stop being scared to js see him in public even though its been months since I last saw him in public I cant stop being scared
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