Having a very hard time since back in May

Hello Everyone. I have been having a very hard past few months and it feels like I’m destroying the best relationship I have ever had with my bf. We have lived together for almost a year now and have had many fights due to my depression, anxiety and complete doubt in everything about myself. I don’t know how to believe in myself anymore. Back in May we had a big fight and I just up and left bc he wouldn’t talk to me. Drove all the way home and then regretted leaving bc my family was trying to tell me to just forget about him and move on. I couldn’t do it so I decided to leave and come back. Come to find out I had a flat tire on my car that I found later my mom had done to keep me from going anywhere. I got all that fixed and came back and have been a wreck looking for any reason that he’s gonna tell me to get out. Which is what happens when we fight. It feels like we are both trying to let go but don’t wanna hurt each other but I don’t know anymore. My family doesn’t talk to me like before and since I left to come here it feels like that’s my punishment for leaving. They are definitely worried about me but won’t talk to me much at all. Also my bfs mom told me he s gas lighting me !? What am I supposed to do with that!? I need some advice badly. Never been this far from home without my family or friends