Honesty, How will I get through
Hi, I'm 14 years old, I'm going to make it short and simple. I've had a lot of problems as a kid, I was forced to study long hours, I was beaten If I didn't understand something. It was from my parents, I witnessed good in them too, they were honest and kind. But it all changed, I saw a part of them that was awful, mainly in my dad. To escape that stress and anxiety, I used tv and the internet. Soon, it got out of hand to the point of addiction, I can't focus, I can't think, I feel stupid and dumb. This year I discovered and artist called kid cudi, I related to his music, realized I have so many problems. However I liked it because it made me feel like someone. I am addicted to the internet, porn, it has led me to feel dumb and stupid. Right now I use these thoughts because they save me boredom and make me feel like someone. I'm also obsessed as to whether I'm depressed or not, because as I said it makes me feel like someone. At the same time I have issues and when I think of them, they are real worries, I sometimes think of you know, that. I tell myself it's fake, but I don't know. I don't know my real emotions or feelings. I'm confused, I don't know whether I have depression. I need help, every time I try to change for the better I can't. I see a depressing future for myself, because a disgusting part of me likes this situation.
@indigoHouse922 I like feeling like somebody, because at school I'm insecure about myself and I'm scared of how others judge and look at me because I'm ugly and fat. I have friends, but home isn't much better, at times it's me getting lectured, hit or me just in my room scrolling, and watching porn, I'm not complete.
Even though I have these thoughts, I've been through so much, I'm kind of emotionally numb. Sometimes I think it's fake because I never breakdown, I'm okay. Sometimes I do breakdown though.
I never breakdown from the thoughts, that's why I think it's fake
@indigoHouse922 hi sweetie ❤ the mind is definitely a weird thing. We will never truly know another person cause all our brains think and work differently. So to question of you have mental health issues, well the only real way to find out is it to see a doctor, hopefully when your a bit older you can do that, and get help for it. Your parents should not be hitting you😥 that's not right, bless you, I wish there was a way I could help you with that🙁 you find making friends hard I take it. Hey that's ok, the only friends I have are here in cups ❤ internet addiction is very common, especially for your age, just try and spend some time doing other interests of hobbys you have ❤ you are only 14 years old, to think already that you see your future in such a bad way is very sad. We never know what's waiting for us just around the corner, so don't give up on yourself ok ❤ and porn🙁 please know that a lot of theese girls are underage, and or being forced into it🙁 it's not a good addiction, please try and get help for that
@Tinywhisper11 I know, it sems out of boredom, I'm disgusted with myself at times, from the way I see women. Internet addiction is more serious, it makes your brain need it all the time, it destroys your focus and does many other horrible things.
@indigoHouse922 🙁 yeah I get that, a cell phone is called a 'cell ' phone for a reason, it in prisons you. Addictions are definetly not easy to get past. But you can do it with a little help and support ❤ I'm right here for you🙂❤ you just need to set little goals/ideas just a little bit at a time ❤ what other things interest you like writing or art or perhaps a sport? Is there anything?
@Tinywhisper11 actually I have so many friends, when I'm hanging out with them I forget everything, but I'm still lonely because if I tol them not many people would take it seriously
@indigoHouse922 that's sad 😢 it is serious. Well sweetie you can talk to me, I'm here for you ❤hugs you tightly
@Tinywhisper11 You dont know how much that means to me
@Tinywhisper11 I would love to talk to you, I don't know how to though
@indigoHouse922 I don't have listener account, sorry. So the only way is here through the forums ❤ I would love to be here for you and help in any way I can. Your a sweet person, who deserves only love and kindness ❤ feel free to talk to me about anything on your mind. I don't judge anyone, cause who am I to judge anyone. Hugs you tightly ❤
how is your day going?
@Tinywhisper11 My day is fine. Let me put it like this, these thoughts, cure me from boredom. I think I realize now, I use masturbation and the internet, to find happiness and completion, but it doesn't. I know there are effect for what I'm doing, and there not good. Just worried that's all.
@indigoHouse922 when we struggle with life and past events. When you study so much and need support, then it's natural to use things as a escape from reality, that's how all addictions start. The internet and porn has helped your mind be able to cope in the past, and has turned into your drug. It's ok sweetie, it's a common thing, so easy to get addicted, but do hard to get out of. At least you realise this addiction needs to be fixed, before it's to late. That in its self is something to celebrate and be proud off ❤ you can get out of this trap, you just need to think of a little way to stop doing it so much, even if we just get your brain focused on something else for like 15 minutes a day. Then you'll have made a great start. And I'll be here rooting for you, every step of the way ❤ so think about the 15 mimute step ok? And let me know what you come up with. I'm also interested in how your day has been, your thoughts/feelings/struggles. I'm your friend, so we can talk about anything you want to here ❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤
@Tinywhisper11 Every time, I try I can't escape and I also will stop myself, the only time I was able to feel amazing, and think I was special instead of the fat kid through Kid cudi's music I don't want to lose that feeling. I used porn and internet out of burnout and now I use it to feel completition. I think a depression diagnoses might make me complete. I don't get it, honestly I know I'm not ok, but I am ok, these thoughts don't drive me insanity, most times I can sleep well. I can be fine, but I'm not fine. I know the world is better without me, and there is no good future for me, wether I force myself to think this, or it's genuine, I know this is true.
@Tinywhisper11 It's also so hard not to get dejected, every single time.
@indigoHouse922 hey that's ok ❤ if internet and porn keeps you happy it's ok for now ❤ I do have a problem with people using porn, but that's a me problem not you ❤ can you talk to a doctor about depression, perhaps some meds might help you with those bad thoughts ❤ it's not easy being a teenager in this world, especially when you suffer from depression bless you 🙁 do you feel like a outcast?? Like your not good enough for people?? And you know what 80% of our bodies are made up of water, so your not fat... Just hydrated af😁 body issues are something many struggle with, I know I'm a freak. But that's what makes us extra special. What is it about you, you hate the most??? Hugs you tightly, to me you will always be perfect, and I would not be better of if you were not part of this world. I care about you ❤ very much ❤
@Tinywhisper11 It's not ok, it doesn't even make me fufilled, I've been looking for that and used porn to fill that in. My focus, and everything has been gone because of that, it's took it's toll.
@Tinywhisper11 I feel without intellegence I'm a nobody, that's true. That's the only thing I could count on
@indigoHouse922
Hey brother,
This is going to be brutal, but you must not force yourself into acting like a military soldier. You have human feelings and you should soothe yourself. Still, here it is:
1. Tell the truth, to everyone you can talk to, tell the whole truth. nothing but the truth, knowing this means losing trust, friendships, or being punished. Hiding this is a form of lying.
2. If you have any faith, in most religions, liars go to ***. You don't want to go there right? So that's one more reason to tell the truth.
3. In case you're not religious, (which is okay!) think about your parents: They want you to succeed! It's natural instincts and parental love that, by nature, makes the parent want their child to succeed. They probably want to help and it's all tough love.
4. Such an addiction at such a young age (we have matchy age by the way!) is probably due to puberty, which is really beyond your control. I suggest getting apps that block adult content on your devices. It's said that people who consume those things won't feel real romantic love anymore in life.
5. Intelligence can be improved, because it's really just some stuff in your brain called neuronal networks growing, mere electric charges of atoms. Exercise your brain and you will be smarter.
6. Faith, morality, whatever your thing is, you have to understand that lust is a bad thing, and you are looking at a bunch of pictures of two kinds of people:
-mature women who chose to make use of your lost for money
-girls who are forced by someone else to make use of your lust for money
7. The best way to change all of that bad situation is to find a purpose. Find something that you care about deeply. A world problem. Like wars, lack of education, world hunger, disease, climate change, animals going extinct. And pick one, just one.
And work to change that. There are so many people and animals or whatever thing you chose that need your help. The world needs you to make it a little better.
You can volunteer and work a job, or you can make changes in your life that make the world better.
8. I suggest, and I'm atheist(non believing person), pray. It helps. Or meditate. Or something! Do something spiritual. It does help, just find your thing.
---- LIST OF QUICK THINGS TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER ----
1. Take a shower
2. Make tea or hot cocoa
3. Go for a walk or exercise
4. Do something that you are lazy to do
5. Cry. Boys cry, men cry, I'm a girl and I'm telling you, it's great to cry and okay to cry and nobody can bias you for crying, go cry a river brother okay?
OVERALL,
Tell the truth, the whole truth, nothing what the truth and confess.
You are brave to admit to that and you should be proud of that.
High five and you got this and remember - there are so many problems of this world, try fixing one! Cheers brother
@lonelyaddict you've got a good attitude towards life, your very mature for your age ❤❤ it makes me feel very proud of you ❤gives you a giant tiny hug ❤ your gonna go far in life ❤
@Tinywhisper11 Thank you! The truth is, I'm struggling really bad with lying, I lie a lot all the time and I do petty dishonest things and it makes me feel guilty and it kinda sucks. I hug you back haha
@lonelyaddict hey it's ok ❤ little white lies is your way of trying to fit in, or cope with your own needs, t's a coping method. Your a young teen, your body and mind is going through so much. So don't be hard on yourself, remember that a million other people your age and older, use the same coping mechanism. And when your ready, then we can help support you to get past this little bump in the road ok? I'm always here for you if you need to talk or vent ❤ just please know you are beautiful you have a beautiful heart and a beautiful soul. And your reality is a better story than any lie you can think of ❤ I'm here for you always ❤ hugs you tightly ❤
@Tinywhisper11 petty dishonest things they are just a form of coping to, remember your mind is changing, and it's not easy to control. Also I'm guessing your religious? God isn't gonna punish you for theese things. God knows and understands exactly what your going through. And his love is a forever love. You won't be going to h3ll so never think that ok ❤
@Tinywhisper11
Oh haha I actually mentioned in my reply for him that I'm an atheist, that means I don't believe in any god or afterlife 😅♥️
@Tinywhisper11 I'm not fulfilled, but I'm fine, but when I look at myself and all my problems I'm not. I just know things are getting worse from here that's that.
@Tinywhisper11
Thank you, you're beautiful too and you shall remember that ♥️
@lonelyaddict I can't talk to my parents, if you were in my shoes you wouldn't, you would feel they would make things worse.
@indigoHouse922
Is there any mentor you have? Someone you admire and who inspires you?
@lonelyaddict yes
@indigoHouse922
Then do what they would do if they would be you
@lonelyaddict They would work and get help. Everytime I try I get off track
@indigoHouse922
Try harder, work harder, that's all you have to do. Look, for one day try to do most work and work the hardest you ever did. Just one day. Around the house, or for school, or maybe a place you can volunteer. Just find a place where you have lots of work to do and start from there. You'll get stronger. Make your bed until it's made perfectly. Do the dishes. Clean your room. Do all these things no matter how hard they are.
@lonelyaddict oh I'm sorry, I can see now ❤ your an atheist ❤ how are you feeling?
I cant live with myself, all that talent, all that going away. In the eyes of some people I'm a genius, but in my eyes, im pathetic.
@indigoHouse922
What is the worst thing about you? Pick your worst problem.
@indigoHouse922 your not pathetic, your just stuck in a hard place🙁 it's gonna take a lot of work to get on the path you want to follow. But you can do it, with a bit of encouragement and positive reinforcement, you can do this. Remember the only person your effecting is you, so the only person who can change is also you. But I'm right behind you every step of the way ❤❤ hugs you tightly ❤
sorry for late reply, I haven't been feeling well
