How God (that wasnt supposed to exist and I didnt believe in, didnt want, was so strange to me) saved my life when I wanted to die

Hello guys, I really do hope that my story and life experience will make at least some of you think deeply and seriously, give you hope and option to life. Please read to the end without biases, be open to it, that is what I ask of you. Thank you.

So, my name is Vojtech. I have visited this site after several years, maybe after 7 years. It was one of the sites where I came to for support and help when I hit my teenage years and really started struggling in life, like deeply, existentially. Oh man, some of you here, you are in teenage years. Especially there was something for me around that age 12 - 15... like a rollercoaster, I cant even explain, crazy. I just want to urge, dont do anything stupid and be patient if you are in that age and you consider taking your own life and all.... like you dont know much man, so many things can change, seriously. You got all your life ahead of you, maybe, but lets say you do have it. I am 20 now btw.

So, yeah, you know, I really was struggling... I had and still have severe speech problem, stuttering, it can take me like 5 minutes to say one word, and it brought me a lot of pain ... identity problems, social problems etc... like all of it. But that wasnt really it, or only it, I dont know how to explain it well. There was something deep. Deep emptiness, loneliness, pain, sadness. I was so lost, I didnt know what to do, how to live, what was right, what was wrong, who I was.... and so I was really going through all of that, trying to find questions to life. Why I am here? What is this life about? Does it have any meaning? How to be happy? What is the meaning of life? What happens after I die? Does God exist? How to be a man? So I was looking, reading books, self help books, coming to new age ideas and philosphy ideas a bit and u know all of that. But as I said, there was huge emptiness and pain and I wanted to die, not like I was contemplating suicide but I knew that in future it could be very like I will take my own life. So I tried to escape reality through addictions. I was addicted to pornography and sexual immorality which was very devastating, alcohol which wasnt severe to me... and internet. Really internet, especially watching movies and tv shows... like really trying to make the movies and tv shows my life, that was my life... living in that, finding comfort and peace and anything, satisfaction but it was all just temporary and the more I did it, the worse impact it had on me really.

---I will try to make this post short, so you will not be bothered to read it and I dont have much time right now anyway haha---

So, where all this God thing started? Well you know, it was through research, looking for answers... It was a slow process. And I wasnt looking for God, I was just looking especially for like how to be happy, what is true in life, not directly God. I was raised in very atheistic country, atheistic family and God, religion, faith... to me... I wasnt hostile to it, but I just didn´t care at all, I didnt think about it.... so I didnt want God, it was impossible to me that God would exist, nonsense, utter nonsense besides all that questions and everything that u see and hear from movies and media, just the messages and what u r thought in history... it makes you see God, like... I dont know how to say... Just not an real option to life, would be quick explanation. I always "knew" back then, that I will not ever become a believer because it is impossible, it is not real, God is dead, right? As Nietszche said. And I didnt understand at all why I would want to God at all? I want to live my own life and do what I want, what makes me happy... I dont care about God, right? So that was my view of it all and where I was coming from.

But as I said, when I was searching for answers, I somehow came to this God topic, "religious topic", and to my surprise, it wasnt at all what I expected to be. And now I know that it was God somehow miracously working through all of that, it was Him that opened my eyes. Look guys, it wouldnt be possible for me, on my own, I know that, really. I have no doubts about it, looking back. So it suprised me a lot, it made actually a lot of sense, some things I encountered were just crazy to me, and it made me actually scared... but I was researching it all like for 2 years, intensively, fact checking and all and thinking about it deeply because if this is really true it changes everything, not just this life but eternity, and this life is just nothing, just a vapor, it is here for a second and its gone, that is this life here. And to my surprise, I was just like... this is really true, it cant be true but it is... there is much evidence, it makes so much sense... Oh man... Like, you know?

And it really changes everything, it does. Not only in your head, perspective... But God is real and if you invite Him into your life, He will be living and real in your life too, man. Crazy. And then you will deeply know it is in fact real too. Look it is not about religion in a sense, like do this dont do that, you will go to heaven not to ***. Go to sunday church every week, and whatever. No. No at all. It is about personal relationship with God. Jesus Christ. There is many "religions" out there. But only one is true. It is Christianity. When you deeply deeply look into it as I did, you will know it too. If you are really honest, open, truth seeker. There is so much evidence to Jesus Christ, Bible, and so. you know? And man, when you really come to God, everything changes. Really. When you walk in faith. I cannot explain it.

Anyway, if you want to see some debates, discussions, thoughts about all of it, I can recommend you here a few links to watch and it is up to you to dive deeper.

1) Askcliffe. This is a youtube channel, ministry when one family or one guy goes to college campuses and debates, like open debates. Christianity, every questions from atheists, budhists, muslims, you know. It is really thought provoking, not pushing something to you. Openly freely intellectually discussing. Start there.

2) If you want to read something. Read The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel, it is also a movie, but the movie is nothing in comparison, not in depth. You can watch also God is not dead 1 and God is not dead 2 or Do you believe?

3) Here is few shorts on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/9PWc7K14mOs, https://www.youtube.com/shorts/zmcDAm-qLvI, https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Ep3pdYIdIW8, https://www.youtube.com/shorts/qqjivFMtlkM

4) If you want testimonies of people coming to faith. I like Delafe Testimonies or One for Israel testimonies.

Let me know, if it helped someone. thank you

A