How I’m feeling
Hey everyone,
I had a good day today, it started out great, but then it all goes to ***. One little trigger just ruins it all. I was talking about how I feel like I’ll never be able to get a new phone and my mum says “you will…. Etc etc,”, something along the lines of “you just have to save…” or “you just have to make it your goal”, or something along the words of more responsibilities. One of my biggest triggers is growing up, everything laying onto me, abandonment, responsibility, payments, etc. that fulls under that category. And I mentioned it to her and she responds back in a snappy way that “I didn’t say that”. That just immediately makes everything so much worse, so of course what do I do, I shut down, don’t talk, and fall silent. Then she again comes back with “I’m aloud to say things too”, and that whole lecture about, don’t get salty, I’m aloud to say things, but again that doesn’t help, she makes everything even worse on-top of everything else. Like I hate myself even more than I usually do because of this and I want to lock myself in my room and tell people to leave me alone. I don’t want to be bothered. I feel so annoyed. And then when my dad comes home I expect some warmth when there isn’t any, it’s just grumpiness and demands, where’s mum, what’s happening with dinner, can you do that. It just add to the feeling I’m already feeling and makes me want to scream.
As of late this is how I’ve been feeling with my parents. Like I want to keep my door closed all the time and hide away. Nothing I do or say helps because they’ll just give me that vibe. I don’t connect. I feel like my mum in particular has been moody and bugging me so much, I just want her to leave me alone and she’s like my best friend.
I don’t know. It’s hard. I love them, yes, but they annoy me so much and do things and snap that sometimes it gets to a point where it makes me hate myself so much.
@GracieMACK
Family dynamics are not always easy.
And even more so, when we all have different styles of communication and different needs.
It's important in these moments to take some space but don't hide away or let things fester.
And you don't have to hate yourself.
You are only human.
Thank you @Amanda84 x
@GracieMACK
A pleasure 💜
@GracieMACK
Hi Grace,
My name is Tom, and I hear you regarding being totally aggravated at your mum. I remember being so mad I stormed into my room, while she was making supper. I don’t remember what we were fighting about, but I found some marbles on my floor, and I started chucking them at my wall (which was right next to the kitchen). It was so satisfying hearing those solid glass balls plunk into the wall, as if I was punching my fist into the cheap plaster. Then I realized … with each throw, a marble would make an indentation into the wall. The bigger marbles left several craters staring right back at me!
I ended up moving some of my posters to cover up all the marks. I don’t think my parents ever found out what happened to that wall 🙂
My point is, if you can catch yourself feeling negative about a situation (like never being able to get a new phone) … and then keep it to yourself (or specifically. away from your parents), then you can bring your frustrations here to 7cups where I think you’ll have a better chance at dealing with a trigger like this one, where the underlying issue isn’t about getting the phone or not getting the phone … it’s the fear of “growing up”—or more specifically the fear that YOU won’t be able to handle growing up.
That’s just my impression. I may be completely wrong and only remembering my own experience as a teen and the fears I had about growing up.
But I’m glad you shared here … and it gave me a chance to re-visit this memory.
I hope reviewing your day like this has given you some encouragement or insight about being in this community.
We're all here to support you!
