How do I get out of this cycle?
I have these moments where I feel fine and I can take on life. My past struggles and traumas that I went through don’t bother me. The new struggles don’t bother me but then there comes a day where everything feels so overwhelming. I’ll go through something terrible one day and I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I’d become so negative, numb and blunt for days, maybe weeks. I try my very best to act like I’m happy and joyful. I’m miserable. I wouldn’t want to talk about it because it would mean unpacking the past which I shut away or scaring people away because of my traumas.
I have no one to talk to. And I hate this cycle. I wish I knew how to be happy or how to make happiness stay longer. I’m tired of losing friends and not have permanent relationships that feel like they were worth investing in. I have one friend who I can’t let go of because I would have no one. I have let go of so many “friends”. Growing up I’ve always been there for everyone but now I have no one. I would give so much and get nothing in return.
@yellowAvocado2504
What if during good days you wrote yourself few notes? Could you tell yourself how to hold on? I did it for myself once about something difficult for me that kept bringing back pain. In the good mind state I was able to know pretty well what my bad mindset would need to be reminded about.
About the challenge to find someone to talk with about your pain or trauma:
How is chatting with 7 cups listeners? Not everyone might be able to help but it might be worth finding the right person. If random listeners don’t feel right, you can browse listeners, read their bios and choose someone who feels right (They might not be available to respond right away though).
