How do I get past the now?
This is part of depression. This is part of the process.
I feel like I've been dealing with depression for a greater part of my existence and every time I think I've understood it, that I've somehow have gotten a grip on it, it creeps back in. Im not sure if I know how to articulate it properly, it just feels like over the years I fight these battles with depression and I some how win but it keeps coming back and now, I feel like I'm fighting a war I'm destined to loss but I know I cant/wont.
Now all I can think about is how am I supposed to hide it from the ones around me? Just the thought of doing something so small, things I typically can just get up and do gives me a panic attack. I know that for me the rode to recovery is doing it even when I'm having a panic attack or severely depressed but what about now while I'm not recovered? How do I get past the now?
At the end of the day, I know that my faith is the only thing I can hold on to and the only thing that will get me past this. I stand on a firm foundation and I know that God will get me through this, he always has and he always will. I just wish that the depression will go away, that it's a battle that I no longer have to fight, that I can fall completely into my introvertedness and somehow not fall into depression.
Dear @callmeRM
I see you, and I want you to know that you're not alone in this journey. Depression is shadow, one that sometimes feels impossible to escape. It's a daily, hourly, minute-by-minute struggle that many face relentlessly, and the road to recovery can be uphill and challenging, but nevertheless it's a path worth traveling.
Yet life is a series of ups and downs, and sometimes, depression is part of that ebb and flow. The key is not to see it as a defeat but as a part of your unique existence. You've shown incredible strength by fighting these battles with depression over the years, even when it feels like an uphill battle, or an effortless downward spiral.
It's completely normal to feel overwhelmed and wonder how to hide it from those around you. The smallest tasks can become mountainous glaciers to climb, and that can be frightening with deep & slick chasms. But remember, it's okay to ask for help and share your struggles with trusted individuals. You don't have to carry this burden alone.
You mentioned that your faith is your foundation, and that's a very powerful source of strength. Believing in something greater than yourself can provide comfort and guidance. While depression may not simply vanish, having faith can be your compass, a guiding light, leading you through the darkest of nights to a new dawn and new hope.
It's essential to remember that recovery is not a linear path. There will be days when the weight of depression feels lighter, and others when it seems unbearable and crushing. But even in those heaviest of moments, you are not destined to lose this war. You've already shown amazing resilience, and your faith can overcome grand obstacles!
As you navigate the "now" while in recovery, be gentle with yourself. Sometimes, taking small steps is a significant achievement. Seek the support of cupsters, friends, family, or professionals who understand what you're going through. We can be your allies in this battle.
The depression may ebb and flow, but may your spirit be unyielding. Keep holding onto your faith and the love and support of those around you. Your journey is a unique and meaningful one, and as you continue, may you find moments of peace and even happiness amidst the struggles.
With empathy and 💜,
Leonydus