How to move on
It’s been about a year since my breakup after a 4 year relationship. They snuck around behind my back for months and months and probably did more than I’ll ever find out. Even being treated so poorly by this person I can’t seem to let go. I don’t know if it’s my lack of options or just my own mental problems dragging it out. Starting to lose my motivation to keep bettering myself and just move on with life. Why should I keep going
@creativeBirch3942
I am really sorry. I got cheated on in my last relationship too. I was blind looking back.
I was still deeply discouraged at the 1 year point like you are. It took me 2 1/2 years before I even though about trusting someone else. By then, I liked my own life again. At 3 years, I learned to love someone new. Trust is everything.
But I will say this.... if you got cheated on, it might feel like they left you, but you left them. You had to have that experience of being cheated on to know the signs, so that you would pick somebody better next time. Don't let them make you feel like they left you for someone better. It's the other way around. You can start talking with your future love right now BTW, who is also wondering if you really exist and how long they will have to wait until they find you. Greet them good morning, think about them when you want to talk about something. Tell them to hold out for you while you get things together and forget about the discarded ex. Tell they you will hold out for them while they also get ready to leave their painful past and start getting 1% better every day.
Sounds like you don't feel right now like you have much to 'pick' from... The healing time does take a long time. Part of knowing when you're actually projecting the right vibe that others will fall in love with is when you honestly don't care about your ex. You actually want your ex to stay busy with the other cheater so that they don't come back and ruin your life again. And if they met by cheating, well karma really does catch up. Wouldn't want to be them. You'll soon wish you had dropped them sooner.
You will also appreciate your new love (yes they will come) much deeper than you would have for the contrast.
It helps me to use a full page each day of writing out some notes of what I want to do with my day. I can vent bigtime if I need to in a few sentances each day. Then write out what I really want to do, modest goals to make today 1% better than yesterday, and not letting ANYTHING stop me from my 1% better goals.
On the front of my notebook is a short but powerful list of people who have never intentionally hurt me, I thought back through my entire life, just a handful of names, just a few friends, never betrayed me, mostly positive experiences, and they are human like me so if I tell them something hurt and they never do it again, and they are usually a pretty good friend, you can't ask for more than that.
I read their names first every morning. I think about some way I might be able to help them or encourage one of them today.... It makes me focus on the people who are worth keeping!! And thinking about 'ex' is on my not-to-do list.... there's no room for thinking about her when I'm thinking positive things about positive people worth keeping.
Try reducing the sugar in your diet, go walk where there are people around 30 minutes per day, and try some new music....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfBTpK1csas
Try new things, new ideas...
Genuinely some of the best words I’ve heard throughout this whole ordeal. They did cheat and they snuck around behind my back so many times and those are just the times I found out about. A lot of me is ashamed of myself bc I valued myself so little and was so scared to be without them that I stayed even while being treated so bad. I have a hard time accepting I let myself look and act so foolish. I said and did a lot of really messed up and stupid things in the months that everything was falling apart and even after it was over for real I still kept reaching out for so long until eventually I got blocked on everything and had no possible way to contact them. I am having a hard time convincing myself that it wasn’t my fault bc I wasn’t a good boyfriend at all at times. I had been struggling w depression for a lot of our relationship and didn’t do everything a boyfriend should do. But from the very beginning she showed so many signs that she wasn’t right for me and wasn’t very loyal and I stuck with her bc I had never met someone I felt so deeply for and I knew I didn’t have many other options. I swear she left me over a dozen times in those 4 years and each time the pain of it hurt worse and worse but I always went back to her regardless of what she did to me. I thought we shared the same feelings for each other but despite what she’d tell me she always showed I didn’t matter all that much to her. Just feel like it’ll take me to meet someone new that makes me feel something before I’ll ever really move on and I worry that’ll take a really long time. I hate that she has so many options and I have none. She’s dating someone new now and it hurts the *** out of me bc here I am barely talking to anyone else and for sure not feeling any sort of way about someone else makes me feel so pathetic. She’s a really pretty girl and knowing guys throw themselves at her all while I struggle to get a text back from ppl I have a little interest in just crushes me. I miss her more than words can describe. I look back at every mistake I made and tell myself if I just did a little more it wouldn’t be this way but she disrespected me so much I used to not wanna treat her to things bc in the back of my mind I was always thinking abt all the terrible things she put me thru. I like the notebook idea. I think writing some things down and getting my thoughts out would help a good bit. Just struggling to let go of her cause I worry she’s the prettiest I’ll ever have a shot at. She was my high school sweetheart but she went to a different school and everyone from her group seemed to hate me from the jump bc of how I reacted to her disrespect. Even knowing she did so many horrible things I still blame it all on myself. I feel I was the problem.