I HATE MYSELF
why i feel bad about everything even if someone said something rudely to someone else either related to me or not why i feel bad .. ok he is my small brother but still not my child so he is not my responsibility completely mom and dad should tell him things and tell him to study but they don't and my mom she is just so double standard i hate her soo much in front of my big brother she just acts soo innocent and sweet and like ohh i tell him do this or that but in behind she is the one who just shouts and ignores her or whatever and if i say or try to be lil strict she tell me to listen to him and ignore him and when i don't they both bad mouth me together and in front of my big brother she just acts like she is soo innocent i mean can u just pleaseee leave me ... and my big bro he just made me feel like its my fault i am not being a good adult or good elder sister .. brooooo he is not my child .. tell ur mother to teach him things don't pressure me ... my life is soo messed but and i can;'t even share with them bcz they just don't understand or just ignores or forget they might act soo sweet and caring at first but then forgets and act like i was just acting or my depression is just a joke ... its really tough to live in a family where they don't care about mental health and i just feel things and can't share bcz there is noo one to share with ... i don't know i am just starting hating everyone .. its not that i want their bad but i just have no feeling for anyone .. not even to my closest frnds or family member noone i just don't like anyone they think only their life is messed up yeh probably they are i am not refusing but bcz they are struggling in their jobs making money and i am still a student doesn't mean i am not struggling that i am not feeling well .. u know with all their stupid voice i kinda hate myself know everytime i try to go positive self talk i ended up saying i hate u *** ... u are supposed to die why can't u just die its good for u .. just do it .. everything will be fine.. and i hate u seems more real and true than i love u .. i wanna love myself but i just can't i can't even look in mirror all i see is just a fat , short ugly person and i hate her ...maybe everyone does maybe not but i do.. i don't want to
@Jyotik005
It’s so complicated isn’t it? It would be easier if people did their part at least good enough.
You do deserve support but it doesn’t mean life will hand it over to you. In this world we need to create our reality without counting on fairness. Sometimes, we may encounter it. Sometimes, we might encounter more than fairness. Like for example 7 cups tends to create that. But, still we need to own building our worlds.
You don’t need to be the prettiest or most supportive sister. It would be nice if you could give yourself appreciation for the effort you put into helping your brother. If you could believe that if it is not appreciated by others that is their loss. Then you can choose how much you want to invest in helping ignoring the lack of appreciation. It’s possible to still choose some when we are able to hold ourselves enough. It’s ok if we don’t succeed. We can choose to be ok with trying exactly as much as we have to offer.
You can tell that the main responsibility is not on you. It’s not. You still tried something and you still might someday again. It can be about your values and not if your brother will use it well, or if your family comments on it unfavorably. Of course, it would not be easy. It’s just something you could choose or not.
You sound angry. It probably means that something that you care about is being violated. Maybe it’s the lack of appreciation for you. Maybe something else… it might be worth spending time to figure out what is it. Cause it sounds like you are shutting down, losing yourself. Your anger might be the loud enough information that is getting through. Can you hear what it tells you?
Unrelated to above: Can you imagine being hugged? Maybe this picture could be more helpful than „I love myself” words…