🌫️ I Lost My Heart
I don’t know what I’m turning into anymore.
My fear of being alone keeps dragging me into addictions, distractions, anything that makes time move faster, yet everything leaves me feeling emptier than before.
I act like I don’t care when people ignore me.
I pretend their absence doesn’t cut.
But the truth?
It does.
It slices through me quietly, and I let it because I’m too tired to fight it anymore.
I keep trying to stay busy, to outrun this feeling… but it’s pointless.
The more I push myself away from the loneliness, the more it circles back and grabs me by the throat.
It hurts.
And I’m tired of pretending it doesn’t.
I’m exhausted from acting okay when I’m breaking in places no one sees.
I can sit with people, talk all day, listen, laugh...
but inside, I’m invisible.
Unheard.
Unnoticed.
Unheld.
Something in me feels constantly judged, constantly guilty, constantly wrong… even when I don’t know what I did.
I want to live. I want to feel something good.
But my body feels heavy, my mind feels foggy, and my heart feels… missing.
Like I’m here physically but my soul is wandering somewhere I can’t reach.
I’m tired of wanting things I never receive.
Tired of begging.
Tired of feeling loneliness.
Tired of feeling guilty.
Tired of being tired.
Sometimes I wish I wasn’t human at all.
What would it feel like to be something simple
a flower that blooms without fear,
a breeze that comes and goes freely,
dust that drifts without purpose,
or a cat that just exists without explaining its pain?
Anything… anything but this heaviness sitting inside my chest pretending to be a heartbeat.
I hate my presence after all, I'm useless and disgrace.
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
You are not useless or a disgrace!
I'm sorry you feel this way 💖
@Amanda84 I wish I'm not, but Thank you... it means a lot fr🤗
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
You're not 💖
@Amanda84
💕💞
You are failing to see your true talent, it’s your writing you need to put your words on paper just you and your thoughts you don’t need anyone else when you do this, you have the most important person already there that’s you.
Stop searching for what’s missing, it will show it self when the time is right. I have been in your shoes as many have, I found photography as my means. I was alone for over 14 yrs and have finally found someone. Don’t be to hard on yourself, listen to your words write them down, that is your strength, use it , it will find your right path.
@tidyCircle1153 💜
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. I really appreciate it.
I actually do write my thoughts and feelings almost every day… but maybe I’ve been doing it in a way that keeps everything trapped instead of helping me understand myself better. Your message made me realise I need to change the way I approach it i guess
You’re right !! I keep searching outside for something I probably need to build inside first.
Hearing your experience, how you found your own way after so many years, actually gave me a little hope. Fourteen years of loneliness is not small, and the strength it must’ve taken to keep going… that hit me hard. It gives me hope that maybe my path isn’t over either, even if it feels messy right now. I’m really glad you shared that. And thank you for that 😊🙏
Thank you for speaking to me so gently yet so truthfully. It meant more than I expected. I’ll try to do better with my writing and with myself. Thank you again for your kindness 🙌 it honestly helped. 🤗
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
I'm not stalking you, honestly I'm close to tears, feeling your pain and can sympathise with so much. My passion for exercise and health has kept me a float at times. You are brave and intelligent I'm honoured to of met you through Cups.
@RunningMachine
Aww <3 warrior 😭...!! I'm so glad u keep checking on me even I'm not around 😞, you really made me feel I'm someone special 🙁. I've thought that someone can shed tears for me :(
I remain with no words to express my feelings now..!! it feels like a warm hug i seek everyday 💓
Ty for being there for me... it means a lot to me 🌸
Hug u deeper to my soul ❤️ ty :)