I am never ok.
Sometimes I feel like EVERYTHING is fine. Everything is better than expected. Everything is perfect. But while I feel like this I am also having an inner struggle with “what if” something goes wrong, especially I am aware of the things which are inevitable.
And other times I feel nothing is right. There is so much suffering in the world alongside my personal battles. I never have the “highs”, even if I am at the most celebratory position I take a pause and get conscious of the suffering of the vulnerable. The vulnerable humans and the animals/birds. I carry a lot of grief even in good times. Fireworks around dark water, so to speak.
If I am at shopping mall, I feel ashamed and sad that how a lot of poor people are outside, a lot! And how a lot of stray cats and dogs must be in need. And how I cannot help them all. So I stand with the vulnerable humans and animals in solidarity, in spirit, and feel miserable. As a result I’m a minimalist and lead a Bohemian life. Which made me misfit hence lonely.
A walk in nature and drawing regularly, has kept me alive after a setback put a burn on my this “empathetic” nature. Otherwise, I am often godless, which is equal to being at the end of the world.
I want to vanish. I feel like I’m fated to suffer?
I can relate to you on so many levels. I have always been this kind of person and I can feel you. Just here to let you know that you're not alone. 💛
A lot of times even I see others and feel sad and ashamed that I'm not able to help others. But you know what I do then? In such times, I feel like I've to be strong enough and take care of myself to be able to help better. We can't help someone if we aren't helping ourselves.
I always keep one thought in my mind.
I can't help everyone but I can help someone. I can't change the world but I can bring a change in someone's world and that matters. It matters for that one person.🌱
Talking about the loneliness, I used to feel lonely in my thoughts too and I still do sometimes but then I started to see the feeling of love in a different way. I started to feel in the way I cared for people and the way they received it. I started to find it in their eyes when they lightened up when I did something, anything for them. When I just stayed. When I just tried my best and didn't think about the outcome.
No one can do everything but if we really want to do something then we should start from ourselves. Make ourselves capable enough. And trust me, small things matter. ✨💛
Your empathy is beautiful and don't ever feel like it doesn't help you or you're going to suffer because of it. Of course it can make things harder but it also gives the deepest kind of happiness when we let it. Something which can't be explained in words. 🎈
Another thing, I have this issue of not celebrating my highs too but then I realised I'm probably always thinking about the negatives. Here I'm sharing my own way of fixing it a little. I keep a diary and I write in it whenever I achieve something even if it's small and I read it at the end of a month and a year. That makes me realise how much I've grown and learned and gives me some sense of satisfaction if not happiness. You can try it out if that works for you. 🌸🐾
Just know that you're enough and your efforts matter. We can't change everything but we can change something and that can make a huge difference. Here are some lines I'd like to share-
"Two roads diverged
in a wood and I - I took the
one less traveled by, and
that has made all the difference."
Never let anything dim your light. 💛✨
@Yougotmyback, thank you so much. It means a lot what you shared. I felt less alone really. I really appreciate the suggestions you shared from your personal experience with similar journey I have too. The daily journal is something I finally must start doing. It is a great reminder. I hope my heart is healed with time. Recently there has been a lot of collective suffering. I got more awareness and the awareness comes with suffering initially.
I totally understand. There's also one more suggestion. I know that awareness is important but try not to dive too much into reading or listening about the negative things going around. You need to know as much as they're needed for awareness. I had this habit and I've improved with time. It's very easy to find everything on the internet but we must know our limits. If you read one negative news then you can try to read something positive too. There are always people in this world who are helping. The only problem is that the ones causing harm are louder because the ones helping others are more about peace. So, they're often hidden in the plain sight. But they're there. You're here. ❤️
And journaling can definitely help! Even if you're not able to write a lot, you can still write one line everyday. I hope you heal. Remember, we need people like you! 🥰
I'm always here for you! Just a text away.
Please take care of yourself. 🌸🌱
@Yougotmyback, you are right. I do believe that distancing myself from the wrong things happening in this world can put my attention to the right things that are happening and the right things I need to contribute in this world.
True! It's not about ignorance but limited exposure. Not more than you need. Small contributions matter too. 🌸
All the best to you! 💛
No, you are not fated to suffer. It can take a while to heal, but you can reach a much better spot where the depression gets pushed into the background and you worry less about it returning.
If you already have moments of good, then you are already headed that direction. Keep working at it.
Empathy is a superpower, not a weakness. You just need to keep working on managing it. @Themystique1
@bestVase7265, thank you so much. Empathy sure is a gift.
It is indeed. Were things any better today? @Themystique1