Idek what to name this
I feel like my life js on a loop I go to work and come home n just sit in my room n cry. I have no one other than my fiancée literally. And she’s dealing with her own issues so I feel like I can’t really talk to her. And I’ve honestly never had friends so I’m always so lonely with no one here for me. I told my fiancée how I started cutting again n broke down. Idk what’s wrong with me but I don’t want to be here anymore. Everything js gets worse by the day. My mind is never clear. I feel like I’m losing it and nobody can even see it. I don’t get how though when my eyes stay puffy and dark with tears ready to just poor out at any second.
@amusingYard5360
When we are in a loop cycle and see no improvement or see no use in staying on loop we can all get to a point of wondering why we even bother. You are your own BF ... you can make yourself break the habits.
I think too many people do not make friends not because they do not want to but they do not see the right candidate. I found I get more out of friendship even short term with people I have little in common with. I take a walk each day with a person who on the surface i have nothing in common but as we spend time we learn we are not that different.
Take a chance ... do something different break the monotony ... go do something between work and home ... go just look around and see what is up... even look up if there is activities in your area you could go see or do.
It can feel like a lot when you’re coping alone. I’m hearing that you’re feeling a lot of strong emotions, and the cutting is the painful consequence of trying to cope with them. I don’t think there is anything wrong with you. I think that there’s probably a lot of pain you’re carrying that might be unseen by others, but we can see it because you feel strong enough to share.
I know it can sound a little bit trite, but perhaps grounding or meditation could help put some space between you and your emotions? Even for just a few moments, it might give you enough reprieve to feel better just a little to be able to make safer plans such as joining an in-person support group or finding a therapist (if possible and if you feel safe enough with one). If you can’t get there just yet, would it be possible to snap a rubber band on your wrist instead of cutting? I want to encourage you to stay safe, so I hope you know you can also call a crisis line for help during particularly bad moments. In the US, this is 988. I’m not sure for other countries, but I’m sure there are resources somewhere online.
The pain of loneliness is hard to carry, but I hope you are able to feel supported here. Please reach out if you need anything.