Idk
I woke up today already feeling that large,fat sense of dread,and I tried to put it off for longer by going back to sleep until I REALLY needed to get up for school. I got ready on time luckily but I still hate waking up and feeling like this everyday. I don’t even know what I’m upset about anymore. At first I knew what it was,some sadness here or there but now it’s bigger and it’s every damn day. It’s getting to the point where I want to quit my job and shut everyone out and not talk to anyone anymore. However,I know that isn’t the right thing to do in this situation. I need my friends and family and loved ones but I feel like I’m smothering them and only bringing them down too. I wanna talk to my boyfriend about how I’m feeling but I don’t wanna constantly make him upset too. What’s worse is,my anxiety has been *** skyrocketing recently because he leaves for Chicago on Thursday and doesn’t get back till September first. That is the longest we have been away from each other for our entire relationship. I know it’s not a big deal but while I’m so vulnerable and suicidal rn and have been cheated on before so it affects me,it just makes stuff like this so much harder for me. I’m excited for Wednesday because that’s when we have our hangout day since usually it’s on Thursday but he leaves that day,but I’m also dreading it because I know he’s gonna be gone for a while the next day. And he can still text me ofc and he probably will but what if he falls out of love with me or finds a better girl in Chicago. It’s just eating me alive and I’ve already talked to him sm about it that I feel so *** bad doing it again.
@adventurousTalker271
It sounds like the sense of dread is related to your boyfriends trip, but it's also affecting other areas of your life. Such feelings can cause other parts of life, such as school, to feel unmanageable.
I think you are doing the right thing, by writing down what you are feeling. I hope your "hang out day" helps you to find some reassurance. I doubt that he will find a "better girl," because I don't believe such a girl exists. No one is better than you!
I believe that when he comes back, he will have missed you.
An unfortunate thing about anxiety is that it tends to form a feedback pattern. There's the initial cause of it, then the anxiety itself becomes its own cause. In other words, feeling anxious about feeling anxious.
If the anxiety persists, there are therapists and relaxation techniques that can be very helpful.
My hope is that it's temporary, due to his trip, after which there may be less likelihood of becoming anxious about similar absences.