Idk whats wrong with me

Im unable to move on from the hurt ive dealt with. I dont if life will get better. Im so tired of life. Im tired of the things im struggling. Im tired of not getting the right help.

I have so many mismatch with therapist.. and i just feel its hopeless.

Im having trust issues with mental health professionals.

I could write a list of all that happened so far.. but im too tired.

The last clinical psychologist i saw told me im cherry picking.

I spoke to AI about it, so I'm gonna copy paste:

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session #5 we discussed about many things,cbt and how to clean my room, "tile by tile". but something rly bothered me.

me: when i was a child i would play video games instead of showering.

her: you probably needed to be caned at the time (chuckle)

session #6 (after a month or longer) due to ruminating from her comment and struggling with other things i brought up to her.i told her i struggled with doing the homework and i havent been coping well. and i brought up one of the thing among other.

me: when i told u i avoided shower as kid you told me i probably needed to be caned it really bothered me.

her:you're cherry picking. youre taking the small part of the session as the big picture.

i know the reason why she said im cherry picking.

because instead of focusing on cleaning my room tile by tile.. or the cbt homework.. and other positive part of the therapy.. i got stuck from her comment..her joke about me needing to be caned. tbh..that wasnt the only instance where i felt the rupture.

but do u think it was fair for her to respond to my bringing with "cherry picking"?

```

So this is just one of it.

Im so tired...

Im beginning to hate cbt too.. i find it invalidating. I'm seeing a doctor who isnt a psychiatrist yet.. he's giving me therapy every month while also prescribing me anti depressant.. i feel like im just going along.. i dont really trust him that much even if he is friendly. I dont trust him enough to tell him what happened with my psychologist.

Oh btw, she ghosted me too. She never gave me next appointment date. That was abiut 3-4 months ago. >.> I went to therapy department, they contacted her during while shes busy and she said she will inform about the date, the staff there told me they'll contact me. That time i was feeling kinda dissociated too or like a hung over after the therapy session.. i was crying.. she was awful.