I don't know what to do anymore, this is too much

TW mention of suicide, domestic violence, and sexual assault

I'm going to rant a lot here, pretty much my whole story, which is triggering for some so I understand if you turn away from this but, thank you If you are taking the time to read all of this and give me some form of comfort or direction.

I grew up in a very abusive household, my father was abusive towards me physically and emotionally, My mother was both emotionally and mentally. I'm the oldest of me and my 3 siblings, I practically raised my siblings since my parents lacked in that department of parenting. At the age of 6, I was already taking care of my little brother, when he was 2. I fed him, changed him, bathed him, etc. I grew up learning quickly that my parents didn't love us, thought I didn't realize that till I was 9. 

This abuse from both my parents went on for years, constant and never ending, most would ask me why I never told a teacher or called 911, and I wish I had a valid reason. Between the ages 6-9 I believed that what he did to us was out of love, the abuse was never that bad in the beginning, just a slap, push, belt, etc. Once I got older it got worse.

I took most of the pain for my siblings, I made sure as much as I could that they would never get a scratch on them, and when they did, I felt a wave of guilt that I didn't protect them as much as I should have.

Once I got into middle school and High school, the abuse got to the point I was sent to the hospital a few times. Me and my siblings were in and out of foster more times than I can count, but we were always sent back to him.

One day when I was 16, last year. He had finally gone too far. He got caught. 

All these years, I had started to give up on the idea of freedom, or getting a choice in anything that happened to us, I was in a really dark place, and you can't blame me. I don't think you do. Right?

He had been arrested for attempted murder, We had gotten into a really bad fight and ended with him on top of me with his hands around my throat. My blood was everywhere and covered him, I'm shocked I survived that night. My brother called the cops and I spent 1 1/2 week in the hospital. With a concussion, broken ribs, broken wrist and many bruises and cuts.

It had been a year since that happened, and I guess I should catch you up on what's happening now, or more recent events.

After a few months of that happening, My mother had regained custody of me, but 3 days ago her and her boyfriend got arrested for putting me in the hospital again. My two younger brother and sister are living at a foster home with two good people, but me and my brother lived with her simply for the free rent, free food, etc. Friday night we got into a big fight because my mother found out that her boyfriend was sexually assulting me and r@ping me for 2 weeks, She blamed me for coming onto him, so I grabbed my brother and some of our stuff and went to leave, but her boyfriend pushed me down the stairs and I hit my head really bad. 

I am now living with my best friend, She is taking care of me as much as she can along with her parents, they are patient with me and support me. My body is in pain but my head hurts more, all this stress, and adult problems and causing me to panic, I've been having seizures due to all the stress and my concussion.

Thank you for reading all this If you did, I didn't go too much into detail but, This is the short summary. You don't need to give advice, I was just venting, hoping someone will read this.