I don't recognise myself anymore
It feels like my soul is dead, I'm not a person of my own. I'm hurt. Envious of all those people who do everything I wanted to do. It hurts so much. I'm young...yet it feels like I've lost all my time. I feel I've aged 40 years older... I'm alive, my medication will keep me alive. But I'll never be happy. I'll never be there. I will burn to ashes watching them be all I wanted to be. I'm filled with envy.
as i read through this i felt immense sadness. because as i read ur thoughts it was as if something i would write myself. all my hidden thoughts. i thought of not replying because it felt too much. this pain. but i can’t leave u alone thinking that ur alone in feeling this way. ur not.
it’s not the fact that you want to be another person. it’s the fact that they have something you’re longing for. that everyone seems to have everything figured out while you’re still stuck not knowing what’s the next step. never knowing the next step. how you’ll never ever measure up to your expectations because you put them so far high up for yourself. wanting to reach what people reached and even if u do it won’t be enough. it’s never enough. deep down you know that no matter how hard you try or how far you reach, you won’t be happy. because you truly believe that nothing could help reach that. because you’ve never reached it.
i see you. i’m here with you. ur not alone. i’m sending u lots of love 💕
