I hate my parents for how they raised me and neglected me
Me and my therapist (who's like an aunt to me she is so good at giving me what I've needed for so long) have talked about my trauma for four years now. My dad's alcoholism and how unsafe and emotionally abusive and neglectful mom has been my whole life has kept me emotionally distant from them for years now and even when I was in the ER for almost attempting suicide in 2024, understandably angry I suppose, she said "I'm sorry, this is ***!" As if it was my fault for being suicidal to begin with. I am willing to believe she didn't mean it that way but she often spits out the first *** thing that comes to mind rather than using her brain and pausing before speaking. It took so long for me to understand why I hated myself so much and was so hard on myself about everything for the first 28 years of my life (I'm 30 now thank God I am better) but I'm convinced my parents played a huge role in that.
Unknowingly I'm sure, but that doesn't take away from how fed up with them I am. I'm a first gen college student who she apparently expected to have a good, desirable FT job by now (class of 2018) even though all I have is a bachelor's in Communications that I have never been able to use despite trying to for years. I even overheard them from downstairs admitting to each other that they failed to prepare me properly to even show up to college when it came time to move on after highschool! I wasn't mature or mentally available enough. I love them deep down and believe they love me back but I'm sick of them.
I'm in a difficult but not completely hopeless spot financially right now and don't have a car and am also forced to find my own place to live in by January since I can't live (or want to live) with my parents at a 55 and over apartment and I just had another conversation with mom that left me unsurprisingly angry and disillusioned with her about moving to Colorado potentially and long story short, I was just telling her the facts of what my friends that live there along with the advisors and agents have told me about moving out of state and mom randomly threw out "Welcome to adulting. Hate to say it, but that's why you needed a full time job yrs ago and stuck with it." I told her I've tried but I can't just be miserable and not have a life and you act like I sit around doing nothing and she was like "calm down...jeez."
I told her she makes me feel like I'm always the problem and she told me, "Well, stop feeling that way, (Wow! Why didn't I think of that?! 🙄) you need to stop taking everything so personal. Everyone has had struggles and felt worthless at times, but you need to find the answers and figure it out. Move on from all that and put it behind you so you can move forward."
Honestly? Not the worst thing she's ever said. She's trying but dang. Stop feeling that way? How? Lol. the worst thing she ever said was after questioning why I didn't have a social life in high school (I was socially anxious and discovered my introversion as well as how much social media sucks and spreads gossip and hate) and being irritated by it since she thought I would regret it because it's "the best years of your life" 💩 , she asked, "Why aren't you hanging out with friends?!" I said, "Well... I'm afraid people think that I'm a creep...I was too shy to talk to this girl I liked and now people are saying stuff about me." She responded by saying, "Well, you know what?! Maybe it's because you ARE a creep!"
Anyway, I get that sometimes you need a kick in the pants but our feelings are valid. Not excuses to do or say whatever we want but normal human responses that can't be forced out in the blink of an eye with a good slap to the face or something. Thank God for God Himself, therapy and the church I go to because they seem to understand where my parents have been lacking but my parents are set in their ways so... whatever. Im sorry this is so long but I don't see my therapist until tomorrow and everyone else is busy right now. I needed to get the pain out. And I'll be DAMNED if I turn out like my dad did...any encouragement and healing words are appreciated. Maybe someday I'll be in Colorado...
@RedGiraffe44
I'm really sorry you were treated so bad.
I'm sorry you had to put up with so much as a result of your parents.
And so many years were so miserable.
I appreciate the courage it took for you to open up.
It's not easy, but one day at a time, it's possible to heal and be content 💜💕
Thank you. I really needed to hear something like that. I feel like I'm always the "over sensitive" type that most people get annoyed at but there's nothing wrong with sensitivity. One day at a time is all we got I guess. ❤️
@RedGiraffe44
Sensitivity is not always a bad thing, it shows you are kind, thoughtful, reflective, you care 💜
@RedGiraffe44Thank you for sharing so openly—what you’ve been through is deeply challenging, and your feelings are completely valid. It’s heartbreaking to feel misunderstood or hurt by the very people who should be your biggest support. You’ve shown incredible resilience just by making it this far and seeking healing through therapy, faith, and your own strength. Remember, healing is a journey, not a quick fix. Your worth isn’t defined by your parents’ limitations or their words. You’re building your own path, and that takes courage. It’s okay to set boundaries with people who hurt you, even if they’re family. You deserve kindness, respect, and understanding—especially from yourself. Keep holding on to the hope you have for your future, whether that’s in Colorado or wherever you find peace. Every step you take toward healing and independence is a victory. You’re not alone, and your story matters. I’m rooting for you, and I believe brighter days are ahead.
Thank you so much. It is not often I have these conversations with people. I can get pretty lonely but this app has helped limit it and help me feel seen, Loved and cared for. Thanks to you and everyone else giving me your time so selflessly. It's good to know there are people out there who truly believe in me.
@RedGiraffe44
I appreciate the boldness in your vulnerability, you’ve expressed yourself so eloquently. One thing that stood out to me is the remark “Well stop feeling that way”. It seems that these interactions with your mom she isn’t listening to understand, she instead listens to respond. I don’t think your sensitivity is a curse. I think it’s a blessing. You hold depth within a shallow world. You are an ocean surrounded by ponds. I’m 28 in a similar situation that you’ve explained within your most recent posts. I can’t provide much encouragement since I’m practically in the same predicament, but we shall maneuver through this!