I hate sleeping
Going to sleep has to be the scariest part of the whole day. I can be having a calm and kinda normal day and do things to distract myself from negative thoughts....but as soon as night time hits and Im alone laying in my bed doing nothing all the thoughts start piling up and clouding my mind. This usually leads to crying, uncomfortable panic attacks or me relapsing again. The amount of deadly thoughts Ive been having lately are honestly starting to scare me and I think I might do something very bad impulsively to myself soon. I littlerly don't know what to do I swear it feels like im only getting like 3-4 hours asleep 😴
The sleep part can really be the hardest. Have you reached out to a doctor for some sleep advice or medication? @MapleBunni
Ive sorta been there. Is very tough.
Please, the most important you should do is to reach out to talk to a therapist + a psyq if you can, it's a life saver and huge relief.
Apart from that, I guess it could help if during the day, when you are feeling safe, try to understand what is happening with your feelings and feeling them as safely as you can (maybe let yourself cry watching a good and cozy movie) or try to figure out why you are feeling like that. Also try to give yourself some compassion, you are doing the best you can, and depression really lies to you (making you believe things about yourself and life that are not true); you are just a human being trying to figure stuff out, as all of us. During the night, if things are bad maybe try to distract yourself with something that gives you comfort (like a series, a rewarding game, a book) or try splashing some cold water on your face or grabbing ice cubes to get you out of the spiral. Try to distract yourself until your trigger feeling starts to fade away slowly, or until you are very sleepy (if things go in a bad direction reach out to someone).
Try to arrange an appointment with someone and try to find a way to soothe yourself. You can do this :)
Also, since I just realized you are 16, which is a tough age for a lot of us (we feel everything very intensely), and an important thing for you to remember is that circunstances change. At that age I couldnt imagine a happy future and felt very hopeless and lonely (I was also surrounded by the wrong people). But adulthood surprised me so much, I still have my difficulties but Ive lived so much, I had moments that made my heart so happy, I achieved dreams that I though were impossible, and found a lot of great and supportive and fun people.
