I have no more hope
Hi, I'm new here. I'm hoping that reaching out may help me, but I do not have much hope.
I don't think things have ever been as bad as they are right now. This is probably the hardest year of my life. My grandparents passed away in June, both of them. This is my first year at college and I was homeschooled so adjusting has been so so hard.
I have felt depression since primary school. I am in college now. In the past I did horse riding, and that was my everything. I loved it more than life, then I got hurt and that was when I completely lost myself. I spent weeks in bed, I wouldn't get up in the morning and I couldn't sleep or eat.
Three weeks ago, my first boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me. He was planning his life with me, he showed me houses he would want us to live in together. The same day he broke up with me he said he loved me. I've never known such betrayal.
Impulsively I downloaded ***, as I wasn't managing being alone. I've been speaking with a guy for two weeks now, and we met at a market last Sunday. Then today he just blocked me after saying that he thinks he would be too distracting for my work and that my work is more important.
I feel so much hurt and sadness. I can't even look at myself, or eat or swallow. My throat feels tight. It feels like everything I've ever done has been wrong. There's no reason for me to keep living. I am not needed on this earth and no one needs me, I'd be so easily replaced.
@mandystafford7
But Mandy, you are not replaceable, ever, no one is even close. Your tears are mixing with cement powder, they are building a bridge between you and another young man, YOUR young man. No, you two have not met yet. He is getting ready to cross that bridge with his own cement and tears, wondering if you really exist, praying, deeply discouraged, but he will hang on if you will. He is wondering if he should settle for someone who treats him bad, he can't believe he fell for another young woman, way lesser than you, who just left him like that. He wonders if you are out there and can't wait to meet you. And the conversation you two will have "thank God I didn't get stuck with the lesser that I thought I wanted. I had no idea someone like you was out there. Thank you for being YOU Mandy." And you don't forget to say that to him too.
Hey Mandy,
It sounds like you're going through an immensely tough time.
Hurt and sadness can feel really overwhelming.
I have had very similar thoughts about feeling there's no reason to keep living. I've even been struggling with that one very recently.
But I just wanna reassure you that you can come through this.
When people let us down it hurts so much.
And when we go through so much pain and hurt life can feel pretty pointless. But you will come through this. You are strong.
Nothing happening in your life mean you've done anything wrong.
I'd recommend trying to see your doctor with regards to any struggles with eating and swallowing. Sometimes stress can effect our appetite and physical feelings too.
Please remember... You are irreplaceable.
There isn't anyone else like you in this world.
Never has been and never will be.
I know it's hard to not be with someone that you've loved and cared for in relationships. I've lost many throughout my life. But I also know that I got through it. And that's something I'm trying to hold onto for myself right now too. And something I hope will be an encouragement to you.
Really sorry to hear about your grandparents. They can be such a great presence in our lives. I just found out recently that I lost someone close to me too. So I can empathise somewhat with how you might be feeling.
You're not alone.
Baby steps count too. Every little positive thing you can do is a big achievement. Whether it's eating a mouthful of food. Having a cup of tea. Phoning a friend. Sleeping a little. They are all achievements.
Just don't put any pressure on yourself. But please do remember that YOU are important and your Self-Care is important.
Take care. You're stronger than you think.
J
Hi there, I agree with the prior posts. You are stronger than you think and you are irreplaceable. God has a plan for your life, you just have to find it.
Also, I was divorced after a long separation and could not see past the next day. That’s okay. Take it one day at a time. Do your schoolwork. Keep living. Now I have a new boyfriend who is so wonderful and kind. He even accepts my mental health struggles. Good people are out there and so are good people who are a good match for you. Keep the hope.
