I'm Lost I don't know what to do

Hi everyone,

I don’t know where to begin, but I know that I don’t feel normal. My childhood wasn’t easy, my family relationships are complicated, and I often feel like I never truly experienced love while growing up.

I always believed in the kind of love we see in movies and books. In school and college, I never let my guard down because I feared people would leave. But this time, I opened my heart.

While working in Delhi, struggling with my job and feeling frustrated, I tried a dating app. After some hesitation, I met someone. At first, I wasn’t sure about him, but he kept trying, and we started going on dates. Even then, something felt off. I suggested we stay friends, but he insisted on being together. Eventually, we got into a relationship.

I was happy, even with the bare minimum. We had small fights, but we were okay—until the fights became about why he could go all day without talking to me while I was waiting to hear from him. I started feeling like I didn’t matter to him. He reassured me, and I chose to believe him.

Then, things changed. One day, he drunk-called me and broke up. I was shattered, begging him not to leave, but he had made up his mind. Even after that, we met again and acted like nothing had changed. But deep inside, I knew it wasn’t the same.

I struggled with anxiety, sleepless nights, and overwhelming pain. I sought help, but nothing seemed to ease the emptiness. The only person who could comfort me was him, and I kept reaching out. He met me again, and for a moment, things felt normal. But then he backed out once more. I was left questioning everything.

I tried to stay strong, but I couldn’t stop thinking. I needed answers, so I checked his social media. What I found broke me—he had been cheating on me from the beginning. He had already moved on while I was still trying to hold on. I was devastated. In a moment of pain, I made a reckless decision and ended up hurting myself. Even then, he never reached out.

I messaged him, hoping for some concern, but instead, he blocked me. His excuse? He claimed that what he did wasn’t really cheating. When I confronted his ex, she didn’t believe me either. I was left feeling completely alone.

I keep asking myself—why do I still miss him? Why do I still want to talk to him? I know I deserve better, yet my heart won’t let go. I don’t want to love him anymore. I want to move on.

I feel like I lost myself, my trust, and my self-worth. A part of me still wonders—will he ever realize what he did? Will he ever understand the pain he caused?

Right now, I’m scared—scared to live, scared to feel, scared to trust again. But I don’t want to be stuck in this pain forever. I want to heal. If anyone has been through something similar, how did you move on? How do you unlove someone who broke you?

I just want to feel okay again.