I'm done

Drowning in my thoughts is so beautiful you feel nothing no rage no love no happiness just numb it feel so alive eventhough i feel nothing, nothing for anyone i got no trust for anyone i got no secrets with anyone i can only h.u.r.t them they won't be able to. even if they all leave i feel nothing i don't need them i only need this feeling the feeling of nothing the stronger vision not the soft one I've always been like this i just had to look weak to wake the up. To look to myself and decide who I am every day I'm stronger if life take anything I'm ready I'm craving nothing I'm done with everything even me it's so beautiful i need no one they are the one who needs me i don't have to worry about someone. who could leave me I've already experienced it. and I felt nothing just at the first five days but after that I felt so good i dot rid of that love i got rid of my weakness i don't need her i don't need her too i don't need them i just need the p.a.i.n to live i just need the b.l.o.o.d. all over my face to feel awesome. Don't tell me I'm i.n.s.an.e. or losing it I'm just at the point where I don't need you so you're worried that you can't h.u.r.t me I'm the one in control here I'm not i.n.s.a.n.e I'm just holding everything i only need to h.u.r.t myself to stay awesome like this to sleep feeling nothing. to sleep not thinking of someone's feelings who never thought of me i just have to worry that my s.c.a.r is fading away i just have to worry that the p.a.i.n is going away. This is who I am this is the person I want to stick with till i d.i.e i need nothing i crave no one. I'm just stronger I'm ready to fight anything because I have nothing to lose i mean even if it hurts physically I've c.u.t.t.ed and t.o.r.t.u.r.e.d myself in worser ways you can't imagine. i just love it I love the p.a.i.n i love the b.l.o.o.d.y mess in the bathroom sink i see it as a masterpiece in my hand and mouth i want to go further but what if they noticed they will just annoy me and I hate i have to act everyday like i care for them the only reason i do this is because they would leave me alone just for my inner peace but I'd rather have thier b.l.o.o.d on my hands, because of what they're doing to me everyday, thinking I'll not make them pay later just because I'm young i hate how stupid they are i love how they think i love them more than anything while i hate them more than anything but actually i feel nothing for them i just love how they think i love them more than anything especially my sister I hate her so much for what she did to me but actually I'm happy it happend for me so I can prove to myself that no one is safe they will always turn against you even if they were tricked, they will hurt you because they know you and you'll be afraid of losing them but if you feel nothing and tell them nothing about your life they will have nothing against you they can't hurt you even if they try it will make you laugh when they think they h.u.r.t.e.d. you by leaving while you were already b.e.g.g.i.n.g god for them to leave even your sister isn't a safe place for you she sa you. they will have something in thier life they will hate you or forget you in the end this is the best part when you know they will leave so you don't have to love them you'll just have to use them and let them think you love them and they matters to you so you can make them do the most bad things you know so when they turn against you they're the one who is scared from you to expose them you'll just stand there with a special look on your face that make them fear you in every way possible a specific look that make them panic you will always be in control that's how I'm moving