I'm really suffering.

I'm falling apart, everything is falling apart.

My girlfriend has broken up with me, she doesn't see any future.

At first I really wanted to get married and have children with her, she initially considered a lot of things like marriage, which I found incredible, because I think you need to be in love first to talk about marriage. I also told my friends this, and at the same time agreed to go out with her under false pretenses, promising to go to her city.

But things changed – I became more and more sincere with her, but she had already secretly read my chat with my friend, and the seed of doubt was sown in her heart. And it wasn't exactly a lie – I had discussed the feasibility in detail with my friend, and I thought it was acceptable to leave my hometown. I had also made a lot of efforts. But every time we argued or had a disagreement, she became more and more disappointed. But I had already done my best, but she was no longer willing to wait.

In the months since returning from studying abroad, I have been trying to find a job in her city myself, but I have been met with constant setbacks. I instinctively turned to my friends and family for help, but even the most accomplished relatives I know in terms of their careers only have influence in the vicinity of my hometown. And when they did help me find a job, I couldn't refuse—because I was the one asking for help, and the job wasn't bad. I eventually tried to find a ‘better’ unit near my hometown on my own to get away from my family's arrangements. I did this first because I couldn't find a better unit than my family's arrangements in a different place at the same time; second, she also said at the New Year's meeting that she had applied for a doctorate near my city, so I also wanted to stay close; third, this would allow me to become financially independent and try to gradually get my family used to my absence.

She was very disappointed. Especially when she was accepted into a very good school in her city, and she of course also wanted to be near me, but her family had a fierce argument over this. I said she could go to that school, and she had therefore rejected the opportunity near my hometown. But when she went to talk to the school there to try to get better conditions, the school also rejected her because they thought she had the ‘wrong attitude’—no doubt she also fell into despair. She thought about it for a whole week, and she thought that we were not capable of supporting the future we wanted, and then she proposed to break up.

She is not blind to my efforts, and she understands, but no matter what I do, it can't be undone. She thinks it's all too difficult, and she doesn't have a lot of time to wait for my commitment. Moreover, since she saw the chat history between me and my friends, coupled with the disappointment of these past few months, there is no turning back.

She knows that our love is real, and she says she will help me get through this, and that we can still be good friends. But I can't accept the reality that she will eventually leave. Even though she says she will always be there, I know she will eventually leave my life.

Now I still have to face the pressure of a job I don't like and family members who are always on my case. I'm tired of this life, and the endless overtime and low wages are driving me crazy – but there's nothing I can do to find a better job. I don't know how to change any of this, and I just want to escape, but I have no direction at all.

I'm sorry for writing so much, I'm really suffering.