I'm unable to understand me

@enthusiasticNest2623

I am a 15-year-old girl, and I want to start Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) sessions to manage the residual cognitive symptoms of a depressive episode I suffered from two years ago, which gradually subsided without medical treatment over the past year. Currently, I experience specific symptoms that completely affect my life, which I precisely summarize in the following points:

Dear Beloved,

I can understand your pain that your depression has started again over the past year. The decision to continue your treatment once again is a healthy step towards your healing. 

Rumination and Maladaptive Daydreaming: I zone out continuously throughout the day. My mind constantly repeats and recycles a fixed set of old thoughts, plans, and memories (whether negative or ordinary) in a vicious cycle, and I find it extremely difficult and compulsive to stop this mind-wandering.

We can use a few activities that can help bring your mind to peace. You can try to write all your thoughts. If your thoughts are repetitive, writing them over and over might release them from your mind. You can also try redirecting your attention by doing simple activities that make you feel better. For example, you may do some simple household chores, join a game you enjoy, or become part of an activity club. You can also join a community where you can regularly meet people and socialize. If not, you can try going to a garden and spending some time watching the people and children playing. It can help your mind refresh and feel a little more relaxed. Everything you do will move you towards your healing.

Remember, isolation worsens depression. So let us avoid actions that can increase our suffering. We would never want that. Try to be more around people and share your thoughts and feelings with them. When you share more and more about how you feel with others, it releases the emotional stress of carrying the pain alone. Please do not struggle alone. Involve people to help you.

Complete Loss of Memory and Focus (Pseudodementia): My mind is completely exhausted internally, to the extent that it has not processed or recorded any new information or memories from the outside world for two years. I forget everything instantly, and I appear to others as if I am entirely detached from reality.

I can understand your pain. Please do not strain your mind. It is not in your hands. Everything will return to normal once your mind heals. Work towards healing your mind. Do more of what makes you feel better and emotionally healthy.

Empty your mind by either writing your thoughts or by sharing them with the people around you every time they disturb you. Don't stay with the disturbing thoughts alone.

Conditioned Triggers and Distress: I feel intense distress and anxiety the moment I see darkness or dim lighting, because my mind involuntarily links it to my previous dark period of depression and triggers fears of relapse.

I can feel your pain from the darkness. Please keep the lights in your rooms on when it is dark. It is not a permanent condition. Once you begin to heal, these symptoms will disappear too. Changes can take time to happen, but with every step you will move towards healing. It is not your fault to feel this way. It is the disease.

These symptoms are not in your control, but you have complete control over doing what can make you feel better. For example, keeping the lights on or staying around people during the night. Do not be alone in places or situations that worsen your suffering. Always do activities that encourage your healing.

Accompanying Symptoms During Mind-Wandering: I sometimes notice my facial expressions changing or that I move involuntarily while daydreaming. I feel highly irritated if someone interrupts me, experience a delayed response when called, and constantly procrastinate on even my simplest tasks.

When our mind is not at rest, our capacity to respond to outer situations often becomes unintentional. We do not consciously choose them; they happen automatically. But when we heal, we gradually become calmer, and our ability to respond to situations and people improves. What is within flows outside. If there is chaos inside, it will come through our actions. When peace returns, it begins to reflect in our thoughts, emotions, and actions. Our emotional distress drains us of energy. Procrastination is not your fault. When our mind is disturbed, we often lose the energy to do simple tasks. Please do not worry about it. Everything will heal soon.

This was a year after my depression heal without any help or therapy.

I can feel your pain over the year. You healed before, and you can heal again. You are powerful. I believe in you. Do more of what makes you feel even a bit better.

Healing is in the way 💕

@enthusiasticNest2623

This is pretty impressive that you are able to name your challenges this clearly. You are really brave working on them.

Wanna share a little about what do you feel has healed in you? Or what kind of help you would like to find here? 🌸

What do you think about chatting with listeners?