I need to vent: family contributes to my depression

I have a large family and I don't mind it because it's a lot of love on a good day but on a bad day it can be a very toxic thing. Last night, I was scrolling on social media and I saw my mom post a picture of my baby brother with his new car, the car had a ribbon on it and the caption read as if my mom brought him the car. When I confronted my mom about it she denied, claiming he worked and get his own car and that she didn't buy it but my spidey senses are telling me otherwise. My brother is 25 and I'm going to be 29. I love my brother and my mom with all of my heart, but a large issue in my relationship with my mom has been her favoritism for not just him but my other siblings. I know that my mom loves me too, but the things she does for others versus what she will do for me has been different my whole life. And, I'm not just talking about money and materials, I'm almost talking about time, affection, and respect as well.

Yesterday, I broke down crying. The truth is that whether she did or not I shouldn't even have to question her integrity. The part that hurt me the most is that I still feel like I can't trust my mom. And, to diffuse the situation because I wasn't going to keep going back and forth I just told her I didn't care - although I do care deeply about the emotional revelations I'm having towards her. When someone presents double standards, asks you to do things they won't do for you, and doesn't give respect then it's easy to not have total trust. The part that's hard for me to deal with is that I don't trust her or my father (who is blocked for the rest of the year).

At the age of 29, I want to feel close to my parents, however, they are very stuck in a their way or the highway mentality which makes it hard for me to bond with them. Relationships are compromise and I didn't learn this until I was older because they didn't teach me this. Relationships are not about one side or the other, it is a working ground for both parties to come together. I feel as if my parents do not try to compromise and instead are very much mean, the type to run away from accountability, and do not try to give respect but expect it in return.

This weighs on me heavily because I have struggled in all of my relationships outside of them. I have a hard time being vulnerable with other people out of the fear that I'm going to be put down/misunderstood. I don't do well with rejection so I struggle with bonding with others because I don't want to be tossed to the side. I also have a hard time with trusting people because I inherently expect them to do things that hurt my feelings - I struggle with feeling as if people will spite me and not present genuine care/concern.

Prime example: in the case of the picture posted with the car, my mom knew that I have been having a hard time with my car note so to post that is almost like saying "eff your feelings even if you do spill them to me on a regular basis." -- I have been dealing with this type of behavior my whole life and then when I speak up she doesn't take accountability and in the case of yesterday she blatantly denies having done anything wrong and yet again I feel a wedge between us. 

So this contributes to my depression because I feel like I'm expected to deal with the feelings alone and not have anyone to turn to. Lately, I've been really turning to my boyfriend who has been a huge help with navigating the drama I encounter on a regular basis. I'm grateful for him. But, the weight of what I feel is heavy because when I have kids I don't want them around my parents because I genuinely don't trust them and that bothers me. It also bothers me that my mom thinks I enjoy having problems/mental break downs. She made a comment to me last night about "wanting to talk trash" when in reality I genuinely feel hurt and some type of way by how she makes her decisions and completely disregards my emotions. The pain is heavy on me, to the point where in the mornings I don't want to get out of bed. I have no reason to create problems just because and that's almost making me out to seem like the bad guy when all I did was just scroll on social media. 

It's almost like the closeness I once felt with my parents is just an illusion. I guess I thought I was close to them and now it's like I'm being emotionally forced to exist without them which is difficult to take in because that's not what I want for myself, however, they fail to see how their actions are really harmful to me.