sonnieeee Member Profile

Thank you 7 Cups Family

7 Cups Online Therapy / by sonnieeee

June 24th

...See more In the last few months I’ve had some really hard days and I’m happy that I’ve been able to use 7 cups as a place to vent, get some mental health support and start working on things that matter to me. I’ve been on here venting about a lot and it has felt good to get a lot off of my chest. Lately, I’ve been in my journal - offline, venting. But, I have still been passing 7 cups out to different people as a resource. I’m really glad that I chose to come here because I needed this space to start hearing my self, healing, and thinking through hard emotions with others. It has been truly rewarding and although I am not on here as much as I was I’m very grateful. As I read through my journals from the last few months I see a woman who is changing. I’m really proud of myself because my health assessment showed that my depression and anxiety has went down. I see a woman who is becoming more mindful of her relationships, fighting for peace, and wants to feel joy. It has been nice getting down in the trenches within the last few months to keep learning, growing, and showing up for myself. I am happy that I placed one foot in front of the other to start healing myself. One thing that went well: realizing that I have grown emotionally and have been taking control over my happiness all over again.

Restoration

Family & Caregivers / by sonnieeee

June 2nd

...still avoiding family drama

Family & Caregivers / by sonnieeee

May 19th

...See more I went through a journal crisis where I was trying to figure out the perfect journal to write in because journaling in the mornings and writing out my feelings helps with being able to manage my mood. When I start the day off going straight into work I feel very stressed out because it gives me anxiety that I can’t think about my feelings first thing in the morning but I’m expected to churn out so much work. It took a while to figure out a journal situation that is reliable - but I decided that I’m going to rely on the notes app on my Mac and phone to help with thinking through my feelings. On March 24th I wrote a prompt on 7 Cups expressing how I’ve been avoiding family gatherings to protect my energy and peace. I’m still doing that and I do feel better. I read this quote online that said, “may you have the courage to disappoint people who profit from your self-abandonment” by We The Urban. I have been praying to God for more strength to make decisions that are supportive to me and not feel guilty or bad for what the outcomes are. I think I am doing a little bit better because I can feel my stress levels coming down, however, there are some social situations that causes my anxiety to rise. For example, yesterday morning I woke up feeling inspired because I wanted to read Under the Dome, HP Lovecraft and Dracula but I was interrupted by my cousin's negativity. She called me trying to see if I was going to go to my aunt’s birthday dinner, the truth was that I was drained and very tired so I decided against it. She said to me that I always have an excuse as to why I can’t do something and that’s why people don’t invite me places. Well, I wanted to be with my aunt on Thursday night - I told her to have K call me — K never called so I forgot all about it. It’s hard to be engaged with family when they don’t include me, naturally. Certain relationships shouldn’t feel forced or like I have to maintain them alone. It’s the fact that I wanted to read my books on a Sunday and I couldn’t because of the negativity that was thrown up on me. I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that she hung up on me, I wanted to yell at her and scream but I chose not to because all last week I yelled at people. I yelled at three people last week and I didn’t want to yell on a Sunday morning. I’m really trying to decrease my social stress and I don’t want to deal with people who are negative this week. This week, I want to be calm, focus on my work days without thinking about family drama because some people keep things going on all the time and don’t have any understanding. I feel really hurt that I’ve never done anything to my aunts or cousins however I’m always being treated badly. I can’t make people love me and I’m tired of the ongoing drama from day to day. I’ve really done well with throwing the towel in on *** given towards things like keeping a job that keeps leading with fear. I’m tired of people wanting me to go go go every single day but can’t check on me when I’m sick or make sure I’m alright. I’m doing better with self protection but I still have a long way to go. I’m tired of always having to explain, explain, explain a lot to people who barely care to listen. I have way more energy than I’ve had in the past so I’m starting to deal with things better just because my headspace is way better, but I still feel like I can do without certain relationships.

On continuing to ignore family

Family & Caregivers / by sonnieeee

September 3rd

...See more So lately, I have been rejecting a lot of "family" time because I don't like the drama and don't have the emotional capacity to deal with everything. I'm not trying to come off as bitter or anything, but my love life is not the best. My boyfriend is in a depression right now trying to avoid prison and focusing on managing his finances better so he can remain free but his family is making him feel down. My mom seems to have this view that "everything is perfect" but maybe it is to her but it isn't to me. Being with a partner who is dealing with their mental health while also battling your own is tough. My sisters are having children, I'm the only female that hasn't and I keep getting asked questions about when I am, but the reality is that I don't feel comfortable doing so until I have enough money because right now I'm living check to check and my boyfriend isn't in the financial position to take care of me and his child like that. I asked him about having a child next year and he said that wouldn't be bad, but I don't want to make a decision because it's what others are doing - I really want to make sure I'm in the headspace. I really been avoiding a lot of family things because my siblings annoy me. Their happiness is almost as if I should be happy too and it's simply not the case. Again, I probably sound bitter, but right now in my life my focus isn't on a child - it's on getting through school so my boyfriend and I can be comfortable because right now we aren't. I really have been avoiding family gatherings - like last weekend my step sister had a baby shower and I didn't go. I don't know if my mom went or not but I'm tired of her too. My mom doesn't show up for me but she does everything for her husband and her marriage. She made a comment stating that she wasn't coming to visit me but she was going to be with my grandfather when she comes to my state - very hurtful seeing as though I moved and you still haven't came by to see my place. Overall, I'm really just venting because I need to get things off of my chest and this is an emotion I deal with often - not trying to come across as bitter. I may just be bitter, but at this point if I am I really don't care because I have so much on my plate and I have to do things according to what is just and responsibly.

A little better

Depression Support / by sonnieeee

March 15th

...See more Lately, I've been feeling a little bit better. I've been doing some things differently to help my mood. First, I've been going to bed at 10 PM every night, although I was up early, at least having a set bed time schedule helps with improving my mood. Then, I've been doing really well with waking up and reading my bible, having some positive verses to meditate on helps with feeling supported, I read a lot of verses in the morning because they really feed my spirit. Next, I spend time on ***, going through different communities: it has felt good to connect with more likeminded people. I use to feel like people would judge me for posting a lot, but I've been enjoying the community and engagement that the app has brought to my life. It felt really positive to say good morning to so many people today and just see others being up at 5 AM with increased positivity and wanting to engage with each other. Also, I've been drinking two cups of cappuccino in the morning to help boost my energy more. This has really added to my day because I don't feel half as sluggish and I feel that I have more energy. I'm really trying to work on building my mental and emotional resilience, it has its days but it's getting better. When my boyfriend texts me good morning it means a lot to me, he adds to my day as well. I'm trying to work on my energy in all ways, even by walking more on my treadmill, this is all easier said than done but I'm trying to chase the feeling of being inspired - so far, I think I'm doing better than what I was.

Self Trust

Depression Support / by sonnieeee

February 25th

Birthday trip.....???

20 & Over / by sonnieeee

February 25th

...See more My friend and I have been close for five years, but we have bumped heads mildly over time. Recently, we have been closer but it's still certain things that I don't 100% agree with. She has organized a birthday trip and invited me to come. The trip is set for Houston, Texas and there's about 6-7 people (including myself) going. I was already feeling kind of weird about it because I am on a tight budget, and I feel weird about traveling to the West Coast right now due to the cartel, but now she is making me feel weird on other levels because this morning she sent a text out asking for everyone to enjoy events with her before we leave. The text that she sent out was asking for everyone to be with her at Top Golf and to do a brunch/day drinking event with her. I feel bad because I know that I don't really have the money to be hanging out a lot and I also don't really have the time either because I start my classes tonight. I've been so busy with trying to get through this last year of grad school that I don't know about having energy to be present for all of what she is asking for aside from the weekend trip. I don't want to be a bad friend and cancel, then we can't hang, but the side adventures is making me feel weird. I asked her if she invited a lot of new people to the trip and if that's why she wanted to have side adventures, she said only myself and her godsister. I'm still feeling socially weird about it and I also don't do well in large groups, I don't want to attend one event outside of the trip and then not want to go on the trip with her. All advice, thoughts, and suggestions are welcome

This is a bad morning.

Depression Support / by sonnieeee

February 15th

...See more I wanted to celebrate Valentine’s Day with my boyfriend and I know he wanted to as well, but his family became an entire barrier between us. His brother is weird about him getting a car and then I’m almost certain his mom probably had plans which left him probably having to babysit. I try not to come down on him, but it’s difficult when I’m always last/put to the back and then it doesn’t help that he ignores me. I told him that I feel really hurt that I’m being ignored but I have so much on my heart already between dealing with my mom, my dad, and my rental office lying on me. I drink tequila all last night just to feel good and enjoy music because I thought he was coming, I got dressed for him and then he never showed up. I woke up angry and now I’m just crying nonstop because I’m hungover and I hate how I feel. I shouldn’t have ever drunk the tequila, I’m just happy that I haven’t made any impulsive decisions like showing up at his house demanding for my house key back. I’m struggling with my depression bad and this made me realize that I don’t need anymore alcohol for the rest of the year because I’m already under so much stress and have so many things tugging at my heart at one time. I’ve been reading my Bible scriptures to help me and today I told myself that I haven’t been drunk/lying in my bed for weeks on end and I don’t want to go back to living like that and being mean/angry while drunk. I don’t want to go back to my old ways so I really just want to celebrate anymore holidays or drink nothing else. I hate to have to cancel on my bestfriend’s birthday trip but I just can’t take it because I don’t want to drink anymore alcohol. I’m just having a bad morning.

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