I really was raised by a village, and it made me distrustful
I remember when I was little, some teacher or someone asked me if I felt like I questioned authority or not. I said no, and everyone got judgmental with me, but I only said no because I misunderstood the question.
I thought I was being asked if I asked a lot of questions to authority figures, and I knew a lot of kids that did, but I didn't. It's because I kinda knew that they were all full of crap, and I didn't really want to listen to anything I wasnt directly interested in.
My parents tried, they weren't perfect, but more than that, they weren't around a lot. Not complaining about them, but I was an only child and I just sort of got passed around family households. The only one I felt like I got along with was my mom, but she sorta always let me get my way with things. Everyone else was just full of crap in their own ways, my teachers too. They all tried, and again, I'm not complaining, but I think I was already starting to understand how children and adults aren't honestly that different.
The point I'm getting to is just an observation. I feel like as kids we would get assignments asking who our hero was a lot, and everyone else would say their dad or something, and I'd get in trouble for saying fictional characters or that I didn't have one at all.
In a way, I feel like I'm lucky in that I didn't have the illusions of people being more perfect than they are. There's a sadness that comes with it though. I think it's one contributing part of what made me always feel different and misunderstood... But also, it's ongoing. I'm well into my adult years, and so many people I've known all my life just pay all kinds of attention and support to politicians or celebrities, etc.
It's weird to me. I may like aspects of those people, and they may indeed have my general respect, but it's not like I trust them to actually be who they seem to be in my mind. I don't know how much other people really get influenced, but it outwardly shows a lot.
Not sure why I'm posting this today, I just feel compelled to.
There are some good observations in there. No one is worthy of worship because we all make tons of mistakes. I think that the reverse is also true though. No one should be allowed to just stay where they are and never try to improve themselves or make the world better because of how bad everything is at the moment. We have to do something. What do you think?@Torean
@bestVase7265
Strongly agreed, and it's part of what made me feel this way to begin with. I feel like a lot of my relatives, to differing extents, would just smoke cigarettes and talk behind people's backs over the phone. My mom was one of the worst about it, and I've spent soooo much effort trying to help her stop smoking or find better things to do with her time. The former finally worked... Nearly 30 years later. I think more than anything, she's a creature of habit, but I think if we get truly held in a routine like that for long enough, without exercising the mind with some variety and actual effort towards it, growth just stops. I hypothesize that's why a lot of older people are "stuck in their ways.". That's not who I am, but most of the people I grew up with were that way.
Very true. Unsticking yourself takes a lot of time and energy to create better habits. Older people do have tons of wisdom but changing things can be a little harder. Patience is key, even if it takes 30 years it is still a victory.@Torean
Hoping that things are going a little better. @Torean
@Torean "but darling there is no light at the end of the tunnel, you must realise you are the light"
@Tinywhisper11
Yesss 🥰 I'm all the neon lights at once!
@Torean you really are ❤❤❤
@Tinywhisper11
Likewise 🥰🥰🥰❤️❤️❤️
I'm confused... Isn't questioning authority supposed to be a bad thing? Or is it? What was the point of their question?
@jesusredeemedme2425
Questioning authority would be understanding that authority figures aren't perfect, nor are institutions, and thus, not being totally trusting of them and maybe thinking of ways they could be better.
Asking authority figures a bunch of questions is a different thing... That's what I thought they were asking me if I did or not.
@Torean
Oh. I was picturing like being an anarchist or something lol
@jesusredeemedme2425
Lol, some level of anarchy can be useful. But that's taking it way past questioning
@Torean
RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE!!!!
Or don't. I mean, what did the toaster ever do to you??
Wow. Weird stuff comes outta my head when I'm tired XD
@jesusredeemedme2425
Lmao, well, I guess all anarchists have to start somewhere. 😂 Small machines are easier to rage against.
@Torean
Did you ever watch "The Brave Little Toaster"???? Hehe
@jesusredeemedme2425
Haven't, I always wanted to as a kid
@Torean
This is one of those posts where I'm not sure exactly how to reply... Perhaps that's because you already show insight into your predicament--if it can be called one--& so it doesn't look like there is anything I can add that you would not already know.
As has been said, we all have feet of clay. The human condition is what it is.* The difference is you learned that way earlier than most people. Is that really so bad? In terms of getting through life, distrust may be uncomfortable but it beats naivete any day.
*I consider the human condition as unto a festering, pus-filled boil on the unwashed butt of the universe at large, but that's for a different thread.
@slowdecline48
Hah, definitely feel similar about the human condition. Agreed that it's not a bad thing, and I'd definitely take distrust over being naive. I think I know why I felt so compelled to post this before. I've realized that people of all ages, all positions, all walks of life kinda just seem like they're still kids to me. They may have seen a lot more, some of it probably hurt a lot, and a lot of them are parents by now. One of my best friends from 2nd grade is technically a grandparent already. Whatever the case though, I just feel like I see past pretense, and most people seem childlike or childish (albeit two very different things). The exception usually being when they're actively working on something. And, ultimately, I was seeing this when I was still a kid, though not fully understanding it.
On the other side of this, I feel like I'm just getting started with most things. Things I've put hundreds, maybe even thousands of hours into, like writing poems/stories, drawing comics, Kendo training, my job that I recently got promoted in, just about anything. I never got to have real role models, and had few rivals. Without comparison It just seems like there's always so much more to learn and achieve. I literally don't get bored, like, ever. I feel like others around me are usually, figuratively, resting on their laurels, thinking their lives are kinda figured out. In some ways, I think that's a strength that I wish that I had, because I'm definitely not saying I'm better than all of them, I'm mostly just a class clown weirdo myself.
Maybe it's the sense of security that I envy. I never knew what that was like. If there ever was one, it ended in early elementary school when a certain bombing happened, and my mom worked in a building very close by. I saw a lot of the area destroyed on the news, but it didn't show her building. Of course it knocked the phones out, so I couldn't call her, she couldn't call me... Cellphones weren't a thing back then. She wasn't hurt, but I was crying in an empty classroom for hours before I found that out.
@Torean
- A bombing??... I dunno where you are, but am guessing it's not North America or western Europe. The last bombings I heard about there were in Britain during "the Troubles", then 7/7 & the incident in Nice, France; since 9-11 we haven't had a major terrorism strike of any kind unless you count certain politics/religion-motivated mass shootings.
- Do you have any idea how lucky you are to be near a dojo where you can learn that. In the US kendo schools are as rare as an unbribable building inspector. Aside from escrima (usually part of an MMA curriculum), there are very few places that teach sword arts of any kind. Most of what you'll find here are "karate schools" that are glorified daycare centers for kids, & a BJJ &/or MMA gym on every 3rd or 4th block...maybe a boxing or Muay Thai gym If there are enough strikers in town.
@slowdecline48
I might sound dumb here, but what's Kendo? I never got into martial arts.
@jesusredeemedme2425
It's like fencing, but it's Japanese, and with thicker bamboo swords called shinai that can be used like katanas. It literally originated as samurai training. Most people in most countries don't really know much about it.
@Torean
I've wanted to try fencing on and off throughout the years.
@jesusredeemedme2425
You probably should. I mean, I guess I haven't tried fencing, but I'd like to. I'm really glad that I was in Kendo at least. I also really like swords in general. 😅
Why did that randomly make me think of Diggy Diggy Hole lol
@slowdecline48
It was the Murrah building bombing. I think even the building next to the one my mom was working in was damaged. It was weird going to the memorial when they were first creating it. So many people effected worse than me, but back home, I was the only one in school that even knew anyone near it.
And you're right about being lucky about the dojo. I was lucky about my Kung Fu class as a kid too. Neither are around anymore though. I guess my Sifu from the Kung Fu class was supposedly extorting money through threatening people's kids. He never tried that with me though. As for Kendo, it was a hole in the wall that was shared for other martial arts, and it had very few students. It was in trouble when I joined, but I happened to join at the same time as a father and his kids... All of them were deaf. I didn't know what to think about our sensei because he seemed half-there in his mind for the first couple of weeks, but it was because he was exhausting himself between work and learning sign language in a hurry. He was a good sensei, and I hope he's still getting to teach. I had to leave about a year before it ended up closing.
@Torean
I had to Google that. I KNEW you were in the US... You always seem to be online when I am. lol
@jesusredeemedme2425
Lol, I thought you were too, but I don't remember why
‘Merica. *sound of eagle calling*
jk
I prefer learning about other cultures tbh <3
I stand corrected. Was around for that too...Oklahoma City. They eventually executed McVeigh for it. Terry Nichols was sentenced to life without parole, if memory serves. Until 2001, we thought the OKBOMB case was as bad as it could get...
@slowdecline48
That's pretty spot on. It can always get worse in the grand scheme I guess, but not so much for anyone effected. I just can't imagine what my life would be like if my mom was any closer to what happened. I still take a moment to feel grateful every single day that she's still around.
@Torean
The first thing I thought of was Columbine, but that was a school shooting. I think I watched that live on TV (as well as 9/11).
@jesusredeemedme2425
Yeah, that would have been rough too. That was a huge talking point for so long, but now it seems like a school shooting is taking place every other week in America.
@Torean
It was the first school shooting I had ever heard of, that I'm aware of.
School shootings are so commonplace now... It's sad what our world has come to. :(
@jesusredeemedme2425
No kidding. I don't know where we go from here to actually fix it. It's getting worse, and the root issues get really psychological and ingrained into our culture.
@Torean
We gotta start with the kids... Loving and teaching them so they don't go bad. The Columbine killers were full of hate and anger. I bet if someone had intervened early, they wouldn't have gotten to that point.
@jesusredeemedme2425
That's true. Way too many kids don't get the right kind of support, and a lot of things are allowed to happen in school that shouldn't. Then again, teachers don't get paid enough to get yelled at by parents for interfering against bullying or anything. It's so broken. But then, if not public school, it seems to me like no other option is ideal either. The solution starts with the kids, but the problem usually starts with the parents... That makes it difficult.
@Torean
****HOMESCHOOLING****
hehe
Guess how I was taught. hehe
@jesusredeemedme2425
I think that's usually the best idea. 😅 I couldn't have handled it though, I was way too lonely all the timd
@Torean
How come?
@jesusredeemedme2425
No siblings. 😅 That's about it. I just wanted to hang out all the time. I was jealous of all my friends with siblings. I still struggle with loneliness a lot. I'm probably descended from guinea pigs and gorillas, because I'm definitely better off when I'm not on my own too much.
@Torean
I'm the same way, pretty much... I'm generally an introvert but I need people! lol. I get more depressed and sad with less human interaction...
@Torean I haven't been following the conversation, but I thought I'd join in 😁 torean your a guinea gorilla pig😮😮😮😮 that must mean your cute, cause my three little piggies are adorable ❤ and kiara, don't worry I'm here to hug you when you feel lonely ❤❤
the barman sees paddys glass is empty so says "hey paddy! You want another glass??" Paddy looks at the barman confused and replies " know why would I be needing two empty feckin' glasses?? "
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
@Tinywhisper11
Lmao, love that one. 😂😂😂
Aw, thank you 🥰 Yooooo, you have three guinea pigs too???
@Torean no not too! Three I have three their names are pig, sparrow and runt😋 they are brothers ❤
@Tinywhisper11
Aww, that's wonderful 🥰🥰🥰 Mine are Nessa, Sweets, and Akira. Akira's new, so I'm still earning her trust.
Awwww you guys have something in common <3
Sounds like people. Lol
@jesusredeemedme2425
They are very much like people, until food is involved. Then anything goes, including flying headbutts and peeing on each other. 😂
I meant the trust thing lol
Oh there are people like that too XD
@Torean you have three little girl piggies ❤ we should breed them 😁 then kiara can have three little baby piggies ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11
My girls are too old to breed. 🫤 If they get past a certain age without having babies, they can (usually) die from having them. Akira might not be too old yet, but she'd probably turn them down (and pee on them.)
@Torean 😂😂😂😂 oh no dont pee on my boys 😂😂😂 my piggies are about 8 months old ❤
@Tinywhisper11
Aww, they're young. 🥰🥰 When Nessa and Sweets were that young they still had their cage in my room. I kinda miss that. I wanted them there but there just isn't enough room, so they moved to the room next door... Which used to be a haunted room, but now it's filled with guinea vibes and doesn't feel haunted at all.
@Torean you have a haunted room???
@Tinywhisper11
Yeah, it was my dad's old room. That said, it didn't feel any more or less haunted after my dad passed. I lived in it for a time, and had a roommate there later. Always felt haunted to me. Only one weird thing happened there.
You ever have a dream where you can't breathe, but it's because youre face down in the pillow? Well, it's happened to me... But wasn't the case this time. I dreamed I was looking at this underwater quarry that people were working in with diving suits, and thought Id get a suit before exploring it... But when I was trying to swim up, the surface was way higher than it was when I dived down, and I was desperately trying to swim up, but I couldn't quite make it to the surface, my hands almost getting back to air. I woke up gasping for breath, and I'd been sleeping face up, but the really creepy part is that I also woke up pointing at an upper corner of the room, my arm and finger fully extended. Nothing was there, but I felt an evil feeling that I can't describe.
Night terrors? That’s a thing…
@jesusredeemedme2425
True, something felt really wrong though. Like something had sincerely tried to off me in my sleep
I would try talking to your doctor about that, because my stepdad used to have night terrors and they were scary
@jesusredeemedme2425
It's only ever happened to me a couple of other times. Those dreams didn't effect me after I woke up, but they felt really real and messed up. I could tell you, but I'm not sure if you want to know these. 😅 They seem like they could be in horror movies...
Weird. Past trauma?
@jesusredeemedme2425
None were past trauma, although the first one kinda gave me a sort of trauma, and there was another one that kind of terrifies me now. Like, a demon literally spoke Latin to me in a dream, and though I'd taken Latin classes, I had only actually heard a couple of the words. I had to translate it, and the meaning kind of gives me the chills.
Ooh that’s super creepy O.O
@Torean damn! I made a Halloween decoration but it was to scary so it had to face the wall, so I couldn't see it. That was scary enough those dreams would of given me a heart attack😱😱😱
@Torean wow! That's really creepy. I bet you were so scared. Perhaps you should just lock that room and never go init again😱
@Tinywhisper11
Heheh, there was only one that kinda seems really scary to me now. I mentioned it on the comment I just made replying to Kiara above. A demon spoke Latin to me in a dream... It was kinda really messed up. If you want the story I can tell you guys 😅 there is a funny part at the end, but it's really creepy getting there. Anyway, the guinea pigs have pushed the evil out. It's ok in that room now
@Torean you might see pigs fly... They will be possessed in that room, and start flying😱😱😱
@Tinywhisper11
If anything, it'll go the other way around. Two of the guineas will keep watch while the last one possesses whatever is in there. It probably won't notice, and won't feel controlled, and won't feel any different. It might start to have an inexplicable mortal craving for hay and veggies though.
Oink hehe
