Is it me?

So, for some context:

Since I can remember my family has always had issues with who I am or more like, the way that I am, when I was little I remember my mother almost always being mad at me for being too loud or too happy and my sister would always side with her and they would always try to make me smaller by telling me I was being too much BUT my father would always comfort me after I fought them off, but he died when I was a kid. Since then I have gotten that relief, that understanding from my friends and from my chosen family but lately I haven't been able to see them because of life and busy schedules from both parts but my schedule just opened up because I finished my social service (which is required for me to graduate uni) but since I have been back home (for less than a week) all of those feelings of shame and helplessness that I remember from when I was little have come up again because once again my mother and my sister tell me that I am too much, that I am too loud or that I do too little for them ((because unlike them, every time I do the bare minimum I don't say it out loud, I just do it) because one of the things that my chosen family has taught me is that you do not need to meet anyone's expectations but yourselfs) but since I was a kid it was drilled into my brain that if you do not meet your family's expectations then you are a failure, that being too happy or being to much is frowned upon, is something you should be ashamed of. And it's really hard to feel good about yourself when the people that are supposed to love you tell you that being yourself is wrong so... Is it me? Am I the issue? Am I really lazy as they say and am I really too much? Am I really too little like my family says or am I okay to be too much, to feel too deeply like my chosen family, like my friends say? am I really the problem or am I just in a bad place?