I think my mom is toxic.
I love her, she came into my life after my biological mom left when I was 2 and she's taken care of me and my family ever since. She's always been amazing.
But I'm tired of how she makes me feel. Lately, all she does is scold me or make me feel like a piece of ***. I say anything, she starts running her mouth like a marathon. I tell her "I understand", she goes nuts and either tells me I have an attitude, or she keeps repeating what I said I understood.
She guilt trips me all the time for things that aren't even my fault in the slightest. Recently, we got a new house, so we've been moving our stuff into it. She made me feel guilty that my Xbox is heavy, even though I can't control that. She keeps saying we're getting the house just for me, so I don't have to sleep on the couch anymore (in our one-bedroom RV) and makes me feel like crap even though everyone INCLUDING her wants the house.
I'm sick of it. And I feel like I can't even say anything about it because I look and feel like the bad guy for it. She'll just either get *** off or she'll start crying, which will make me feel worse and won't fix a damn thing.
@AbigailMadden
Unfortunately, the things you mentioned are too familiar to me from my childhood. I am sorry you have to be going through this kind of feeling. But also it sounds good your biological dad seems to be way more supportive than your mom.
I believe telling you that it is you who are guilty, a problem, a burden, and that is ALL!!! for you and because of you (and you should be grateful for that till the end of your life and one day longer) - is manipulative and abusive.
Repeating the same lines over and over again, despite the fact you confirmed you understood it - is abusive (and kind of obsessive, I think).
Pointing out at YOU as the villain, to make you feel bad - is cruel, manipulative and abusive.
Making you guilty for the fact it rains, or it does not rain, or the sun is setting on the wrong side of the sky - is abusive.
Turning into tears when all the other means of manipulation seem to be not enough (really?!) - is manipulative and abusive.
I have no doubt the behaviours you described are highly toxic.
But it's not you who are to be blamed. It seems your mom has a huge problem with herself...
I had to see my mom behaving like that day after day. But, thank God, one day it ends.
Has your mom always been like that?
@jacek73 She hasn't always been like this, just as I got older she started using a more tough love approach to things. I guess I just perceive things differently than what they are. I know she loves me, she tells me that every day. I had a chat with her earlier and it really opened my eyes.
@AbigailMadden
It might be also connected with age - in the middle years most men become warmer and emotionally more sensitive while women get tougher and rougher...
Also, you've been a little girl before and now you're becoming a grown up woman, so the rules of the game might have changed a bit...
@jacek73 Yeah, after she got out of the hospital(she was in a coma for a couple months in 2020 from Covid) and she's hit menopause she's gotten a lot rougher. I also think me, my dad, and my siblings kinda broke her with our antics over the years lol
@AbigailMadden
I think a coma is a serious circumstance, which may affect the brain, emotions and the body.
And, yes, I know being a parent can be pretty exhausting, too 😉
@jacek73 Very much so lol
