Just a rant though advice is appreciated
I was on antidepressants for the first time in my life in January after over a decade of being in and out of therapy and I was so hopeful and optimistic that they would work. I think they did for a bit but then in February I got a headache, I have a migraine condition I am medicated for so I thought nothing of it at first but it didn't go away. It still hasn't gone away. I have had this headache for nearly two months now and whilst some days the pain isn't as bad as others, I am always in pain. Every second of every day. And during all of this I have spiralled again, I can barely function because of the pain and I am so exhausted all the time and I just can't feel good. My doctors are not taking me seriously because the pain isn't the same all the time, but because I am not responding to any kind of painkillers they keep prescribing me new ones, which is so expensive. I am a first year uni student and I am probably going to fail the year because I haven't been able to go in for months and have missed so many assessments and can no longer realistically catch up. I am trying everything I can and I just feel like no matter what I do it just isn't good enough. I am so sick of my life just being one bad thing after the other with no explanation, because when I say bad things I am talking about my mind because realistically I have lived a very privileged life and yet I just cannot get happy, or even just normal. I just don't want to feel like this anymore, I just want to be ok for once in my life. I am so exhausted with there constantly being something in my life, and no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I fight I can't escape it. I didn't even want to be happy anymore, I don't want some idyllic version of my life, I just want normal; I want to not be in pain and to not be so miserable all the time. I hate that this is my life and more than anything I hate that there is no one around me who understands, I would never wish this on anyone, but I just didn't want to be so alone all the time.
Those doctor and medication hunts can be so hard. Are you still taking the anti-depressant? Have you tried different ones that perhaps don't lead to headaches?
If one doctor doesn't listen try another one. Or simply say to the doctor "you aren't listening."
You do deserve all the things that you describe that you would like to have. You can get them, but it takes time. And one bad year or bad semester doesn't define your uni career. This is coming from a college professor who has students spiral all the time. Tell people what is going on. @patientRaspberries1616
Hope that things are feeling a little better now. @patientRaspberries1616