Just needed to vent
I'm not sure why im writing this as I've never done this before. I've dealt with my depression since I was 13 and I'm 23 now. I've been through self harming and being suicidal. I thought I was doing so well, I made decisions that I believed would make my life better and it did for a while but I relapsed. I dont have anyone I can rely on or even talk to and everytime I've tried to trust anyone I've ended up worse off for it. Recently I've realised I can't do it all alone but my mental health makes socialising so difficult... everything is falling apart around me and I'm not even sure of how I feel towards anything. I'm driving myself insane. I got out of a bad relationship a while ago but I cant tell if the one I'm in now is good for me either. The only friends I have are ones that come to me when they want something and dismiss when I need to talk. There's been so much happening with my family within the past few months I've almost lost 4 of the people I love. I'm just falling apart I'm getting worse with each passing day and I dont see a way out of it all. I just needed somewhere I could write about it without having to worry about people I know finding it.
Hey @Curiosity1712
I'm genuinely touched that you've chosen to share your feelings here. It's incredibly brave to open up, especially when you've been carrying such a heavy burden for so long. Dealing with depression since your early teens and facing such intense challenges, including self-harm and suicidal thoughts, shows immense strength, even if it might not always feel that way.
Relapsing doesn't erase the progress you've made; it's a part of the journey, albeit a tough one. It's okay to acknowledge that you need support, and it's more than okay to feel overwhelmed by socializing when you're grappling with mental health issues. Your feelings are valid, and your struggles are real.
It's concerning to hear about your relationship and friendship challenges. It's crucial to have a support system that's reciprocal, where you can receive the same care and attention that you give. It's equally important to be in a relationship that makes you feel safe, valued, and respected.
The situation with your family sounds incredibly stressful, and it's understandable how this could be impacting your mental health. Loss and fear of loss can be profound and paralysing.
Please remember, even in these overwhelming moments, there is hope and there is help. It might not be immediate, and it might not be easy, but there are paths forward. You are not alone, even if it feels that way sometimes. There are communities, professionals, and resources dedicated to supporting people who are going through exactly what you're experiencing. Reaching out, like you've done here, is a significant first step.
Your story and your life matter. Take each day at a time, and be gentle with yourself. You deserve care and understanding, not just from others, but from yourself too.
