Life…💔
I have everything I have always dreamed of having. A fully paid off home with a farm on 50 acers and Mountain View’s, two beautiful kids and I beat cancer when I only had a 30% chance of surviving. But I live my daily groundhog life just waiting for the day that I die. I actually look forward to the day I don’t wake up or fall over dead. Hopefully not in front of my kids but still. Oh and I have a man child as a husband that I’ve grown to hate even the sight of him. But the kids need their dad so I put on a smile and fake the happy marriage, fake enjoyable intimacy(even that’s faked just to get it over with), fake the happy family outings. My whole existence lately is a failure and fake. I’m going through the motions of each day just waiting for that day to come and disappointed when I wake up every morning. I absolutely hate my life and wish I had never been born.
@scarletWatermelon4179
I'm sorry that you are feeling so tragically said. It sounds like you have accomplished a lot, having beautiful kids and beating cancer. I have no doubt that you contributed a lot to the family in order to attain those things that you have dreamed of.
Now, you are going through the motions and acting as though you're happy, but my impression is that you are feeling emotionally isolated. As a home health nurse, I have encountered many well-to-do families in which one or more members feel emotionally bereft.
Besides your role as a mom and spouse, is there anything that you do for yourself? Are there any activities that may interest you? What might give you a sense of purpose beyond fulfilling family expectations?
How would you feel about talking to a therapist?